Mike Carroll

Mike Carroll Instagram – March 23rd 2018. The due date for our soon to be son. December 1st 2017, Our 6 month check up But I’m in China. December 1st. THE CALL. It’s sounds like my Candace(my wife) is crying. But no, why would she? The words “they can’t find a heartbeat” come out of her mouth while she’s crying. My mind is still in lala land telling her “no don’t worry. Don’t worry”. Nope. That’s not how it ended up. His life was no longer(is the best way I can say it right now). I told Candace “ok I’m coming home right now”. She tells me no don’t worry. I’m so sorry. Please stay and have fun.” Fuck that!!!! I went straight to the hotel lobby exchanging google translate texts with the woman at the front desk for an hour and a half trying to find out how to get from our hotel in Shenzhen to the Hong Kong airport NOW. So I can be on the first flight home. Got to the airport. Then it all started to hit me. We lost him. What the fuck!? Straight to the airport bar was the only way I knew. I got home Saturday December 2nd. She had to wait til Monday so she could make an appointment for a D&E. She couldn’t imagine inducing birth and having that memory. Monday came. And she could only get an appointment for the following Tuesday for the procedure. So wait even a little more than a week and walk around with our dead baby til then? Tuesday December 5 comes. And she starts bleeding and cramping. We call her sister who rushed us to UCLA med center emergency. They took us in right away. Those cramps were contractions!! The nurses nervously asked us if we were aware of the loss. You could see the relief on their faces when we let them know we did. Then we find out Candace is 10cm dilated. So there was no option for the DNE any more. She was giving birth wether she liked it or not. The experience at the Hospital was something you could only hope for. But as insane as this will sound or read. Even though we had a stillbirth. During that birth was one of the most beautiful feeling of togetherness we experienced.
December 5th 2017 was the true born day and that’s how I made it there to be with my wife for that experience. My wife is the toughest! #StillBirth #Stardust #FuckLoss #Cremated | Posted on 24/Mar/2018 08:50:36