If anyones having a bad Monday just remember that in 2007 I used to go out looking like this and thought I was hot as fuck.
Matted hair extensions and white foundation on point 👌 also around the time I auditioned to be a stripper
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUCKBEAK!
Thankyou so much to @teepeepartees and @mylittleprincesspartiesuk_ for giving pip the most magical lockdown birthday. All adhering to covid regulations, pip and mummy had the best sleepover party 🥰🥰🥰🥰
#covid_19
A throw back pic of me trying to be a laff before going out clubbing christmas eve. I say clubbing…. what i mean is sat in the back of a done up clio dressed head to toe in jane Norman listening to fat man scoop driving endlessly around town all in the hope ‘boy racer Darren’ would text me when he dropped me off to say ‘ u looked fit 2nite’ @fionabrassey @brasseylily
Little bubba jack 🥰🥰🥰
Father Christmas had to organise all this pissed as a twat 🤣🤣🤣🤣
When you’ve got no where else to go
SHAG MARRY AVOID
COVID POLITICIAN EDITION
SHAG: Rishi sunak, hes quite fit and he will take me out to dinner at wetherspoons all the time to benefit his ‘eat out to help out scheme. Also reckon he shags like a stallion.
MARRY: Bojo. Force him to setup a joint account with me, then when he’s out with the lads, drain the bank account and fly to ibiza to create a new life with rishi.
AVOID: Dominic cummings. Bet he tries to get the most out of his national trust membership and drags me out every weekend to look at castle ruins
YOUR ANSWERS PLEASE
This just sums me up right now
There’s always someone who delights in telling you they don’t like turkey
SHAG MARRY AVOID
HOME ALONE EDITION
SHAG: MARV, I’d make him dress up in his burglar gear and let him crowbar me all night long
MARRY: THE DAD. hes rich, his sandy coloured coat is so fucking stylish. Only downside is when Kevin resents me as a stepmother. When I tell Kevin off for flicking peas with his fork at the dinner table he yells ‘YOURE NOT MY MOM’ and stomps at to his room. The dad takes me out shopping at harrods to make up for it and we end up shagging in the changing room with him wearing nothing but his coat.
AVOID: HARRY. Hes too angry. Hes unloading the dishwasher and accidentally drops a mug that smashes into smithereens and then blames me for buying China mugs that are too thin, rather than his big clumsy butterfingers.
YOUR ANSWERS PLEASE
When I manage to find a dildo online for under a tenner for the works secret santa
Had the most magical night at @enchantedlighttrail I think @cotswoldfarmpark might be my favourite place in the world
SHAG MARRY AVOID
SIMON COWELL EDITION
SHAG: COWELL B. hes like a fine wine and in this pic …hes truly matured like a nice , smooth bottle of malbec. Glasses are not just to make him look like harry potters DILF but a mark of intelligence and sophistication.
MARRY:COWELL A: hes vulnerable with his little snorkel, I can just imagine him dipping into the sea at benidorm and waving at me like a child to a bored parent when they’re on the shit tea cup ride at Thorpe Park. All the while I’m on a sun lounger, getting flutters over the waiter everytime he brings me a fanta lemon
AVOID: COWELL C: absolute scum bag COWELL. At the beginning of his career and hes just had his first whiff of fame, acting like hes Billy Big bollocks buying a 20 quid prosecco at ‘all bar one’ and spraying it like a formula one driver carelessly over my 3 for £15 tapas.
YOUR ANSWERS PLEASE
Catch my sweaty face tonight on the graham norton show 10:35pm on BBC one where I totally humilate myself infront of George clooney
Watch me and this twit play ugly stepsisters tonight BBC2 8:15PM
@charlie11cooper
Got this book from my mum and I dont even own a metal detector? Whats the the most mental gift you got today bastards?