“Hey Bubble” A moment in time where now fully vaxxed, I whisk a bestie away for a mini adventure down by the sea. A bestie whom I sometimes endearingly nickname bubble- and whose superstar dog I also sometimes call bubble-who both have also comprised the entirety of my COVID bubble, and in this moment of newfound and slightly daunting freedom we find ourselves walking into a sea of…bubbles. What a year. What a friendship. What a thing a bubble be. Bubbles can be made of dish soap and formed from wind and rope by some dude dispensing fleeting moments of joy, for a tip. They can be formed in global pandemics with someone you can truly trust with your life when suddenly other people- even those you know and love – can through no fault of their own, or through denial, become a threat to your personal safety. Bubbles can hold an emergency trip to the vet for a dog that somehow one fateful night beats all the odds and continues to exceed expectations. Bubbles include emergency blasting of the Peter Gabriel song from the John Cusak movie from my car and across an unsuspecting street. And the witnessing of the precise moment the Christmas lights turned on at Christmas Tree Lane; the loud Aahhhh that spontaneously followed in stereo. There’s falling on the ground in tears after our first CDC sanctioned hug. The moment realizing that it was mini bubble’s first time experiencing the ocean. Bubbles can be the effervescent people we love who encapsulate joy like onomatopoeia in motion. The gratitude they inspire might very well keep a heart open long after the dude with the soapy rope packs up for the day. I thank everything holy for my…bubble. Hey, Bubble. Hey.
I was better at phone banking than I was at taking selfies. It was a profound experience talking to people in California, hearing their stories. Advocating for the politician I believe is most prepared for this fight. Everyone I spoke to is taking their vote so seriously; womever they are voting for. I listened to a Trump supporter for 40 minutes. He wasn’t even the intended recipient of the call. He talked at me for almost the entire duration. At one point he thought I’d hung up on him. “Are you there?! Please don’t hang up on me. Oooh… no…Have you hung up on me?!” He sounded genuinely dismayed. “No,” I replied. “I’m right here. And I’m fascinated, I am hanging on your every word.” Some volunteer callers in front of me turned around to look at me. It was true. I was straining to hear as the line wasn’t great and there was so much information flooding out of him so quickly. And I wanted to hear him. To truly listen. He told me the #metoo movement had ruined everything. That women with all their curves were gorgeous. And that if they put on lipstick and false eyelashes and get boob jobs and wear provocative clothing that they were basically asking for it. And that he wouldn’t respect a female president. That women’s studies was a waste of time. That communism meant you couldn’t buy the glove size you need. That women should stay at home and do the noble job of raising kids. That someone wants to paint the Kremlin pink. That something was important to him about women meeting foreign dictators with the right skirt length and needing a seamstress; I’m not certain as, again, the line wasn’t very clear. That he has grown daughters -one of whom was the intended recipient of the call- one who must have voted blue in the past ten years. He shared that he was in the army in his youth. I thanked him for his service. That surprised him. He stopped talking for a beat. He took a breath. I asked him about his daughters. How he thought it was for them living in this current culture. “It’s hard,” he conceded. “ It’s bad that one lady got raped but there are women who go to Drs five years later because they are rich and take their money…and there are men contd 1/
I was better at phone banking than I was at taking selfies. It was a profound experience talking to people in California, hearing their stories. Advocating for the politician I believe is most prepared for this fight. Everyone I spoke to is taking their vote so seriously; womever they are voting for. I listened to a Trump supporter for 40 minutes. He wasn’t even the intended recipient of the call. He talked at me for almost the entire duration. At one point he thought I’d hung up on him. “Are you there?! Please don’t hang up on me. Oooh… no…Have you hung up on me?!” He sounded genuinely dismayed. “No,” I replied. “I’m right here. And I’m fascinated, I am hanging on your every word.” Some volunteer callers in front of me turned around to look at me. It was true. I was straining to hear as the line wasn’t great and there was so much information flooding out of him so quickly. And I wanted to hear him. To truly listen. He told me the #metoo movement had ruined everything. That women with all their curves were gorgeous. And that if they put on lipstick and false eyelashes and get boob jobs and wear provocative clothing that they were basically asking for it. And that he wouldn’t respect a female president. That women’s studies was a waste of time. That communism meant you couldn’t buy the glove size you need. That women should stay at home and do the noble job of raising kids. That someone wants to paint the Kremlin pink. That something was important to him about women meeting foreign dictators with the right skirt length and needing a seamstress; I’m not certain as, again, the line wasn’t very clear. That he has grown daughters -one of whom was the intended recipient of the call- one who must have voted blue in the past ten years. He shared that he was in the army in his youth. I thanked him for his service. That surprised him. He stopped talking for a beat. He took a breath. I asked him about his daughters. How he thought it was for them living in this current culture. “It’s hard,” he conceded. “ It’s bad that one lady got raped but there are women who go to Drs five years later because they are rich and take their money…and there are men contd 1/
Found my tribe! Love a good family reunion @cwroswellnm @cadlymack #cw
My 13 year old had a skate boarding mishap mid Ollie tonight. He has such a great sense of humour. He posed for this photo with a smile on his face and I cannot stop laughing every time I look at it. I don’t know why the unexpected toe cracks me up so much. Luckily the mad dash right as I was serving dinner was made to the Vans store before closing, not the ER. (Been there done that at dinner time for closing gaping chins and knees) This time he needed something without gaping holes on his feet for school tomorrow. Hopefully this pair lasts or @vans it’ll be our last. Now to wash the dye off my hands. My 11 year old wanted pink hair for first day back at school tomorrow. Popped him off to bed with a shower cap on. “ I look like a lunch lady,” he grinned. More laughter. Thank the heavens my kids aren’t dullards. #singlemumlife
When you’ve had a really long day and your heart is heavy there’s always this little crazy one. Halloumi. Yes, we named her after a grilling cheese because it’s one of our favorite things. And if you’ve never heard of the cheese it sounds like a Hawaiian princess’ name. And she is regal and stubborn and batshit crazy and chatty. Super vocal. She sounds like Jimmy Stewart when she tells me about her day. Or when she wants me to play and give her attention. She’s well travelled. She’s super friendly. Has a ton of energy. Runs like lightening. And has no sense of boundaries. She has five hundred nicknames; cheesy biscuits and hairy cheese to name a few. If this were a dating profile she’d be very, very single.
#climatestrike #climatechange #mothernature and so we march and call and write and cause #goodtrouble
#climatestrike #climatechange #mothernature and so we march and call and write and cause #goodtrouble
#climatestrike #climatechange #mothernature and so we march and call and write and cause #goodtrouble
#climatestrike #climatechange #mothernature and so we march and call and write and cause #goodtrouble
Dear ones, I am only interested in efficacy; things that work. I was dumped in the deep end as a single mum trying to function for them whilst healing my ever-expanding ptsd. Some of these tools worked immediately to create shifts and give me space. Some of them took time. The layers of trauma can be deep and the process is often non-linear. While I will not be coaching you one on one I can answer questions about the tools themselves and refer you on to organisations and resources where possible. Take what works. Ignore the rest. And I’ll start posting sometime this week when I’m done with my 18-20 hr days ( worry not lots of self care shall be in the mix) #traumainformed #trauma #traumahealing #tools #stressmanagement #stressrelief #somaticexperiencing #shamanichealing #shamanicmechanic #traumaandcreativity #traumacoach #traumacoaching #traumacoachingtools
Dear ones, I am only interested in efficacy; things that work. I was dumped in the deep end as a single mum trying to function for them whilst healing my ever-expanding ptsd. Some of these tools worked immediately to create shifts and give me space. Some of them took time. The layers of trauma can be deep and the process is often non-linear. While I will not be coaching you one on one I can answer questions about the tools themselves and refer you on to organisations and resources where possible. Take what works. Ignore the rest. And I’ll start posting sometime this week when I’m done with my 18-20 hr days ( worry not lots of self care shall be in the mix) #traumainformed #trauma #traumahealing #tools #stressmanagement #stressrelief #somaticexperiencing #shamanichealing #shamanicmechanic #traumaandcreativity #traumacoach #traumacoaching #traumacoachingtools
Dear ones, I am only interested in efficacy; things that work. I was dumped in the deep end as a single mum trying to function for them whilst healing my ever-expanding ptsd. Some of these tools worked immediately to create shifts and give me space. Some of them took time. The layers of trauma can be deep and the process is often non-linear. While I will not be coaching you one on one I can answer questions about the tools themselves and refer you on to organisations and resources where possible. Take what works. Ignore the rest. And I’ll start posting sometime this week when I’m done with my 18-20 hr days ( worry not lots of self care shall be in the mix) #traumainformed #trauma #traumahealing #tools #stressmanagement #stressrelief #somaticexperiencing #shamanichealing #shamanicmechanic #traumaandcreativity #traumacoach #traumacoaching #traumacoachingtools
Dear ones, I am only interested in efficacy; things that work. I was dumped in the deep end as a single mum trying to function for them whilst healing my ever-expanding ptsd. Some of these tools worked immediately to create shifts and give me space. Some of them took time. The layers of trauma can be deep and the process is often non-linear. While I will not be coaching you one on one I can answer questions about the tools themselves and refer you on to organisations and resources where possible. Take what works. Ignore the rest. And I’ll start posting sometime this week when I’m done with my 18-20 hr days ( worry not lots of self care shall be in the mix) #traumainformed #trauma #traumahealing #tools #stressmanagement #stressrelief #somaticexperiencing #shamanichealing #shamanicmechanic #traumaandcreativity #traumacoach #traumacoaching #traumacoachingtools
Dear ones, I am only interested in efficacy; things that work. I was dumped in the deep end as a single mum trying to function for them whilst healing my ever-expanding ptsd. Some of these tools worked immediately to create shifts and give me space. Some of them took time. The layers of trauma can be deep and the process is often non-linear. While I will not be coaching you one on one I can answer questions about the tools themselves and refer you on to organisations and resources where possible. Take what works. Ignore the rest. And I’ll start posting sometime this week when I’m done with my 18-20 hr days ( worry not lots of self care shall be in the mix) #traumainformed #trauma #traumahealing #tools #stressmanagement #stressrelief #somaticexperiencing #shamanichealing #shamanicmechanic #traumaandcreativity #traumacoach #traumacoaching #traumacoachingtools
Dear ones, I am only interested in efficacy; things that work. I was dumped in the deep end as a single mum trying to function for them whilst healing my ever-expanding ptsd. Some of these tools worked immediately to create shifts and give me space. Some of them took time. The layers of trauma can be deep and the process is often non-linear. While I will not be coaching you one on one I can answer questions about the tools themselves and refer you on to organisations and resources where possible. Take what works. Ignore the rest. And I’ll start posting sometime this week when I’m done with my 18-20 hr days ( worry not lots of self care shall be in the mix) #traumainformed #trauma #traumahealing #tools #stressmanagement #stressrelief #somaticexperiencing #shamanichealing #shamanicmechanic #traumaandcreativity #traumacoach #traumacoaching #traumacoachingtools
Waiting for my favorite stars in Hollywood; the ones in the sky. There’s shitty traffic and then there’s the magic every day in LA when the sky fills with colours that take my breath away. Growing up on the east coast of Australia I watched many a sunrise. These west coast sunsets are like sky candy #nofilter
Dinner time in the dust
#blackouttuesday
Covid-19 began to tug on all of my undigested trauma. Sitting with the unpredictable waves of it all, I had an epiphany; our primitive, ancient nervous systems are not designed to combat *invisible* threat. My teachers started doing webinars about it. “Clients will start regressing…anything unprocessed will be up right now… The virus is an invisible threat and poses an existential one also. Any near death experiences they’ve had, drownings, Intubations as babies etc. etc. all the developmental stuff… it’s all going to get triggered.” My inner child tends to be most noisy when she’s scared, lonely or having a great time. She started to chat. “When will someone hug me? Will we ever be touched again? What if I’m scared going to bed at night?” Yikes. I did not have great answers for her and she was not having a great time. We’ve all had our different constellations of people with whom to navigate small spaces or great distances during lock down. I have been in the -single mum recovering after an horrendous, traumatizing divorce juggling a total life crash, CPTSD, while broke in a four-job hustle and on my own-bubble of covid; with large doses of gratitude that I have in fact, been alone. Adult me considers it a great privilege. The paradox of PTSD is that is fragments, separates and isolates-kicks you out of the Queendom of Belonging -and yet it also needs a lot of space. A lot of quiet. I had done a lot of big girl work prior to Covid transmuting my loneliness into aloneness. I was once again enjoying my own company and able to admit without shame when I was feeling lonely. The acknowledgment itself would often shift the feeling. My experience would shift. And I would go back to the disciplined practice of my aloneness. A few weeks into lock down, I came across a teddy bear in a drawer I’d bought as an impulse-buy-bed-accessory for incoming guests in my airstream. It had seemed like a cute gesture; a way to support the illusion of a home away from home. When my inner little one saw it, she snatched it up and hugged this illusion of home hungrily. I smiled watching myself. Teddy was never going to be enjoyed by any guests. Teddy was now mine. Ours. Hers. 1/
My life was crashing hard and I really needed to function; the stakes could not have been higher. A friend at my sons’ school told me -out of the mystical blue – about a workshop Gina was holding for people in media and intuited that I should attend. Bless you @sabineelgemayel Bless you. I showed up that weekend with no clue as to what would unfold there, nor for me personally. I remember my jaw dropping as Gina discussed many aspects of SE and her work; the Trauma Vortex and a counter Vortex ( which she personally calls a Healing Vortex) within us all, as individuals and in the collective. She said that members of the media needed to understand this as we are generally feeding one or the other with our stories. Gina went on to explain that in conflict resolution we cannot hear each other or experience empathy for others if we ourselves are highly activated. SE and her tool Emotion Aid could help people in real time to down-regulate, empty and flush their systems and then listen more; and once we are more empty our cognition changes too, as do our stories. As a senior Somatic Experiencing Educator and founder of The Trauma Institute, Gina uses many SE tools in her private practice and global work and I could tell she had this burn Inside her to help the world and minimize suffering. This woman blew my mind. She needed a volunteer to demonstrate one of the tools. My hand shot up. I’d been having trouble getting back to sleep between 2-4 am each night for a month. She asked a basic SE question. And a whole process opened up. The event had been a recent home invasion. Rather than rehashing the whole event which could have been re-traumatizing, she guided me through my body to release any trapped energy as it came up. “Chick-Chack,” she said ( easy-peasy) and she was right. My sleep normalized again that evening. That event emptied from my body. It was not my mind that needed help, it was my nervous system. A day later I was on a hike with a friend when I came across a man frozen in distress on the edge of a cliff. There was a steep drop to his left. His boyfriend was getting increasingly stressed out. I overheard someone say he’d been there for two hours. 1/
