This book kicked my ass.
Which is why I can’t wait to share it with you!
I learned so much about the language of human emotion and experience. And after searching for 20+ years, this research led me to the missing piece that I needed to develop a model on connection.
“Atlas of the Heart” is a book about finding our way back to ourselves and one another.
When fear, anxiety, and uncertainty leave us feeling adrift and untethered in our lives, our first instinct is to look out into the distance to find the nearest shore.
But the shore isn’t something outside of us — the solid ground we’re seeking is within us. It’s not always easy to find, but it’s there.
This book explores the language and tools we need to access a universe of new choices and second chances — a universe where we can share and steward the stories of our bravest and most heartbreaking moments with one another in a way that cultivates meaningful connection.
To all of the mapmakers and the travelers — this one is for you!
BB
In this second-to-last episode of the Summer Sister Series on “The Gifts of Imperfection,” I have a couple of in-real-time revelations: namely that I struggle with cultivating rest and play, but I’m getting better (hello, pickleball). Thankfully, on the flip side, I’ve gotten pretty good over the years at cultivating calm and stillness (thank you, five-mile-long daily walks) and letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle.
I’m not talking about seeking solid opinions or advice. I’m talking about desperately polling people whose opinions are often not relevant. It’s a red flag that no one talks about, but it emerged as very common in the research. From “Should I get bangs?” to “Should I let my child do this thing that feels scary to me?”
It’s like when you lose your keys and you start looking in the freezer. Time to take a deep breath and re-evaluate. Normally, we just need quiet and stillness so we can hear our own voice. That’s way harder than polling.
On this week’s episode of “Unlocking Us,” I dug in with my sisters, Ashley and Barrett, on Guidepost #1 from “The Gifts of Imperfection”: Cultivating Authenticity. Before I started doing my research, I always thought of people as being either authentic or inauthentic. Authenticity was simply a quality that you had or that you were lacking. I think that’s the way most of us use the term: “She’s a very authentic person.”
But as I started immersing myself in the research, I realized that, like many desirable ways of being, authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice — a conscious choice of how we want to live.
And there is no authenticity without boundaries. This is tough for those of us who were raised to believe that being liked and keeping people comfortable are more important than our own self-worth or self-respect.
My mantra in those tough moments: “Choose discomfort over resentment.” I’d rather ten minutes of discomfort than the quiet, soul-sucking fury that comes with an uninspired, dishonest, “Sure. No problem . . . asshole.”
Episode two of our six-part Summer Sister Series on “The Gifts of Imperfection,” with my sisters, Ashley and Barrett, dropped today.
In this episode, we start with Guidepost #1: Cultivating Authenticity and Letting Go of What People Think and move into Guidepost #2: Cultivating Self-Compassion and Letting Go of Perfectionism. Practicing authenticity — and yes, it is a daily practice — is really connected to boundary work, so we admit the individual fears we each experience when setting boundaries.
We also talk about perfectionism as a process addiction, and how our imperfections are not inadequacies, but instead they’re reminders that we’re all in this together.
We’re at the halfway mark of our six-episode Summer Sister Series on “The Gifts of Imperfection,” and this week Ashley, Barrett, and I talk about how scary it can be to lean into joy and how many people “live disappointed” rather than risk “feeling disappointed.”
Constantly planning and preparing for pain doesn’t make the hurt go away when hard things happen. Squandering joy just means we have fewer stored-up moments of goodness to fall back on when we need them.
Practicing gratitude allows us to lean into the moment rather than be derailed by our fear that joy is only temporary. Link in profile to listen to the new episode of #UnlockingUs.
It’s the final episode of our Summer Sister Series, and we finish strong! We talk about growing up in a house where the pressure to be cool was crushing and lonely, and how we’re working really hard to let our awkward shine with our own kids.
And we finally reach the moment Ashley and Barrett have been waiting for: the big reveal of their favorite songs. Yes, there’s singing. Sorry, not sorry.
I’ve been working on new research and a new book for three years. Now it’s time to write it. DAMMIT.
I don’t want to go right now. It can feel like the abyss. I’m a binge writer. Once I start, I fall completely in. The world stops. I often find myself missing my life and my people and the rhythm of everyday life. And, I love my life, my people, and the predictability of everyday life.
Weird things happen. That word I spent an hour looking for at 8pm will come to me at 4am, so I jump out of bed and write until 7am. Then I sleep until 9am, and I’ve missed everyone at breakfast. I hear them watching baseball in the other room, but I’m on a roll coding data so I listen for the score behind the door.
But this is who I am. I can’t write for two hours a day. I can research everyday, but it’s writing time. This is how I’ve done it for as long as I’ve been writing. I have to find the current and slip in. And get carried away. Far away.
Once I’m down the hole, or in the current, or navigating the abyss (pick your metaphor), it’s wonderful. And I love it. And I know how lucky I am to get to do what I love. And, mercifully, I write fast. The upside to this style is that the research takes years but the writing takes a couple of months.
It’s time to fall in, and this is the scariest part for me. But I’m going. Because I can’t wait to share this new work with y’all.
I’m going to need some help with this book, so if y’all are ready and willing – I’ll be posting some questions for you on social.
Take your mark. Get set. Go.
Yes, I lost my mind.
Yes, I have a new book coming out this year.
No, it’s not titled “Enter the Arena but Bring a Knife.”
#believe #worththewait
A beautiful post by my friend @adamgrant on this difficult day – a call to courage.
Stay informed.
Stay engaged.
Stay vocal.
Stay informed.
Stay engaged.
Stay vocal.
Stay informed.
Stay engaged.
Stay vocal.
So many of us have been handed down, or unknowingly allowed, or knowingly created a long, long list of worthiness prerequisites, a list of I’ll-be-worthy-whens. But here’s the truth of the matter: We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.
Thanks so much for the support on yesterday’s post. I laughed at this comment: “Can’t wait to see what you bring up from the bottom.” 😬
And, thank you for offering to help with the new book. First assignment is this question. Go. ❤️
And U.S. water polo and swimming are just starting.
I just can’t.
I’ve seen this wholehearted community raise over a million dollars through donations that averaged between $5 and $10.
If you have the resources, I’d really appreciate your help supporting @together.rising’s work with the people of Afghanistan during this crisis.
Like many of you, I feel scared, sad, and overwhelmed with the pain in the world right now. I appreciate the invitation to give to an organization that supports the people on the ground who can best serve those in need. There’s a link in my profile or you can go to stories and swipe up.
Congratulations to Jason Sudeikis, @brendanhunting, and the entire Ted Lasso crew on the Peabody win!
As the self-appointed president of the TLFC (Ted Lasso Fan Club), it was a blast to talk to the co-creators on the Unlocking Us podcast. We chatted about the show’s interesting origin story, writers’ room inspirations, and why intention is critical to the creative process.
It was a fun conversation about a show that is unapologetically awkward, brave, and kind. And believe me, July 23 is already marked on my calendar: Can’t wait for the season two premiere!
Squeeze in, the Summer Sister Series starts today!
It’s on. My sisters, Ashley and Barrett, are with me on the Unlocking Us podcast today and for the next six weeks as we work through The Gifts of Imperfection–and our current states of mind. We kept forgetting we were recording, so it really is like you’re sitting around the kitchen table with us. We sing, we laugh, we laugh at each other about the singing, and we open up for some real talk about the past and the present.
The series is going to run from June 23rd to July 28th. Today we start with the Introduction and go over the 10 Guideposts. If you’re following along, you can use the 10th anniversary edition of The Gifts, or you can use your original book. Both of them are perfect for the ride.
Pro Tip: Before you listen to the first podcast, I would take the Wholehearted Inventory. It’s free and you can find it on http://brenebrown.com/wholeheartedinventory/. It’s really interesting. And it gives you kind of an assessment on all the guideposts, where your strengths are, and, as we say in social work, where you have “opportunities for improvement.” Love those “opportunities.” We start off the episode by talking very candidly about our personal Wholehearted Inventory scores. Whoa. Tough. And joyful. And real.
So pull up a chair, snuggle in, and let’s spend some time together this summer with The Gifts.
Research help, please.
Hit me with some situations that left you feeling bittersweet.
I love seeing all the different ways y’all are preparing for The Gifts Sisters Summer Series. We’ve heard about IRL book clubs (remember those), Zoom book clubs, potluck dinners, sisters getting together, and even some couples doing the work in groups. I ❤️ it.
Surgeon General’s Warning: This is about as real as it gets. Equal amounts laughing, HARD conversations, surprising revelations, and cussing. And some singing. But I file that under painful and/or laughing.
If this sounds like your kinda conversation — join us! And don’t forget to take the Wholehearted Inventory before you start. It’s free and on https://brenebrown.com/wholeheartedinventory/.
I love how Charles Duhigg defines productivity: “Getting things done without sacrificing everything we care about along the way.”
We can mindlessly go at our to-do list, but are we doing the right things? Are we thinking about what’s important and why, or are we just chasing down that satisfying check mark? ✅
If you’d like to receive our monthly newsletter, there’s an easy swipe up in stories or use the link in profile. Our July edition will be in your inbox tomorrow.
From the eight-track tapes my parents played in our station wagon to my stack of vinyl records from the 1970s to my mix tapes from the ’80s and ’90s to the playlists on my iPhone, my life has a soundtrack and the songs from that soundtrack can stir memories and provoke emotion in me like nothing else.
I realize that not everyone shares the same passion for music, but the one thing that is universal about song is its ability to move us emotionally — sometimes in ways we don’t even think about.
If you’ve just finished listening to the Summer Sister Series on “The Gifts of Imperfection,” you know by now that I’m not the only one in my family who has a deep love of music. So in that spirit, Ashley and Barrett compiled a not-so-mini-mixtape: 48 of their favorite, most sentimental tunes. I’m fairly certain I’ll be listening to this playlist over and over and over again for years to come. Link in my profile.
