When you walk into the giftshop to find a crowd of people laughing at your photo, so you have to buy it to get it taken down from screens. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 bloody love you @paultonspark
to all my gorgeous slags. Just a reminder to keep living your best life, don’t put up with any shit from any cunt fucks, tell your boss to fuck off and that fuck boy to go wank himself off a cliff. Keep being your fabulous selves. Tag a bitch who needs to hear
Getting my Pammy Anderson on
We shagged, we married, we avoided
Pic of me acting my fucking socks off in hand maids tale
My interview in the guardian is out today if you want to look at pictures of me acting like a tit
Fucking screaming at this picture of my first boyfriend who dumped me on a school trip back from Sudley Castle even though I bought him a south park poster from the market. This is a pic of our love developing over a session of double woodwork
What a gorgeous message, considering I wasn’t in a handmaid’s tale, this really made my day.
Cannot believe the bafta nominations, so bloody flattered to be up with all these talented kick ass Queens. I really hope the ceremony goes ahead so we can all get pissed and minesweep drinks off the dragons den lot
Guess who’s being team captain slagz…. Bring it on @noel_fielding
Can everyone do me a favour , if you see my book can you just put Infront of other books. Getting grief from penguin as apparently I’m not ramming my book down people’s throats enough.
My best mate in the whole entire world, my mate that covered for me for snogging goths and drinking white lightening in the abbey grounds. The mate that smuggled my 10 Lambert and butler’s into her cleavage while we sprayed ourselves silly outside the science blocks with impulse. The girl that took one for the team and sucked off the ugly mate of the bloke that I was seeing. I love you @fionabrassey , you are my soul mate. Tag a bitch that did the same
It’s here ….
The moment I remembered I left my fucking curling tongs on
Order your 4 lions on a shirt by 23:59GMT tonight to get in time for Sunday!
My heart when my bf in year 7 dumps me after I treat him to a goosebumps for 20p from the book fair.
Ffs.
***WIN A CHANCE TO MEET ME****
To celebrate the reveal of my book cover @waterstones are running a preorder competition where if you preorder through Waterstones you could be in with the chance to meet me at one of my events ( I promise to bring a bottle of pinot, we can dance to spice girls and eat shit frozen pizza). Anyone who has already preordered through them (including signed copies) is automatically entered into the competition.
LINK IN BIO😍😍😍😍
My attempt at telling you that there are a limited copy of signed books available at Waterstones by the link in my bio but instead ended up recording an argument with my best mate over a load of rotting hello fresh produce
Just here living my best life slags
BOOK NOW! LIMITED TICKETS
To all me gorgeous Slags.
For me book Promo I’m doing a ticketed event at the royal festival hall were I’m basically going to be chatting bollocks.
I know these Q&A events can be mind numbingly boring with someone wanking off by answering questions about themselves, so fuck it.. let’s make this like a massive sleepover where we chat bollocks, laugh our tits off and drink.
My publishers don’t know this yet but I’m setting a few rules for this QandA…
I’m going to be on stage in a bed, with my p.js on and no bra and drinking cheap Chardonnay.
DRESS CODE: wear your best pajamas and dressing gowns and slippers.
And bring a pic of your ex so we can slag em off in true sleepover fashion.
And fuck it, bring a face pack if you want, I’m gonna be wearing one
LINK IN BIO!