‼️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️‼️
A lot of people think that because I left my toxic environment when I was 18 I automatically became happy but actually I wanted to die every single day until I finally got treatment. My entire childhood I lived in a bubble and when I’ve escaped that bubble I had to sort of life in the real world with the skills I’ve learned inside the bubble, of course it clashed.
The first picture is me before hospitalization, therapy and meds and the 2nd one is almost 1 year after being on meds. I have pretty bad ADHD and trauma which caused really hard mood swings, dissociation and delusions.
I wasn’t just sad or disappointed, I had flat out psychosis on several occasions. One I remember very vividly, because it was so scary, was actually happening last summer when I looked like a crackhead (idk what word to chose lol) I flat out believed I didn’t exist. Like, I had this delusion that I was dead or somehow an artifact of people’s perception but I, a me, did not actually exist. This was followed by me renting a hotel room to try to kill myself in but just ended up injured. The entire hotel chain banned me too 💧
It’s weird, I look at these things now and I can laugh about them. It’s not funny but I catch myself finding it funny. Brains are weird, they really are. Anyways after that I had a couple of more incidents involving handling sharp objects and glass vases while dissociating and I was finally put into a psych ward where I got amazing treatment.
I only sometimes dissociate and don’t have psychosis anymore. I mostly feel calm and not anxious. The thought of wanting to die doesn’t even cross my mind. My past? I’m grateful for it.
Getting better is a long journey. Wherever you are you can make it – the world is full of endless possibilities, as vast as the universe. If you’ve told me that several years ago I wouldn’t have believed it and instead said something like “it doesn’t get better” or “what doesn’t kill you doesn’t always make you stronger”. Now I think that I’m order to create a new version of yourself, your old self has to reach a point of destruction sometimes. So, let’s love ourselves because our body and minds are doing hard work.
Recently I’ve been doing really well and I’ve decided to cut back on stimulant medications for my ADHD because I’ve figured that I will treat some annoying symptoms with healthy food and exercise and the rest by creating a life for myself that is bearable w/o really harsh medicine (stimulants make my hands shakey and heart rate go up) by doing the things that I love. I kind of had enough when I got prescribed benzodiazepines for my shakey hands and they made me feel really weird and forgetful. This is obviously not for everyone but for me personally I feel like it is the right choice. Have you ever stopped taking a medication because the negatives out balanced the positives? #jiraikei #landminegirl
WOW! high resolution 100% unfiltered photos of myself. I am satisfied with them. I do not need to run away or harm my body. Excuse the witchy talk again, but as a witch I learned that one shall not harm nature and that includes oneself. Will you love yourself today? Don’t just say it. Say “I already love myself!” “The Goddess has created me as she thought, therefore I am perfect!” #canikeepmymouthfuckingshutaboutwitches
WOW! high resolution 100% unfiltered photos of myself. I am satisfied with them. I do not need to run away or harm my body. Excuse the witchy talk again, but as a witch I learned that one shall not harm nature and that includes oneself. Will you love yourself today? Don’t just say it. Say “I already love myself!” “The Goddess has created me as she thought, therefore I am perfect!” #canikeepmymouthfuckingshutaboutwitches
House Pet 🐱
House Pet 🐱
If someone hates on you just feel sorry for them. I have never seen a hater doing better than me. #jiraikei #landminegirl
Hey Darling 👀❤️
Hey Darling 👀❤️
Don’t be afraid to accept your dark side. Without light there would be no shadow!
Hope you had a nice Halloween 🥰
Hope you had a nice Halloween 🥰
Thank you @sugarplum_nail_salon 🥺💕 #jiraikei #landminestyle #landminegirl #jirainails #地雷系 #地雷ネイル
Do you like cosplay pictures or do you prefer casual shots? ☺️💕
#sagiriizumi #eromangasensei
Do you like cosplay pictures or do you prefer casual shots? ☺️💕
#sagiriizumi #eromangasensei
Do you want Jirai-kei/landmine style tutorials? #jiraikei #landminestyle #landminegirl #地雷系 #ジラジョ #地雷女子
“You don’t call people merely living together a family.” – Sagiri Izumi from Ero-Manga Sensei
“You don’t call people merely living together a family.” – Sagiri Izumi from Ero-Manga Sensei
Get in the robot!
What’s your favourite type of uniform? I like school uniforms but also cool ones like construction uniforms lol