My unbelievably talented & beautiful baby sister @sorayadesignsthings. The only thing that hasn’t changed for me these past bunch of months is how much I treasure her everything in my life. Even her bathroom selfie skills are the best. 🌟 #ForBrian #WithBrian #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds #NYC
Brian used to joke that I learned my eyebrow raise from him. I would laugh and remind him that contrary to what he might think, as perfect as we were together, I had indeed existed on my own before we met. I was arching my eyebrow long before we crossed paths, not realizing that my match was waiting for me just around the corner. The picture on the left is Brian in the Berkshires in March 2020. I still remember taking it. How struck I was by him standing in the snowy woods. He was tall, handsome, charming, in his element. Fast forward two years and the picture on the right was suddenly everywhere I looked. What Brian had helped me achieve had arrived – there was a poster to prove it. And I couldn’t place it for a while, but I knew I’d seen it before. The stance, the confidence, the outfit, the eyebrow. And then it hit me. But of course. It was me and it was Brian. My other half. Which is perfect and is how I feel all the time now. As impossibly difficult and absurdly unexpected as these last six months have been, what has helped me get a little stronger every day is fully realizing this: Yes, my best friend died, and yes, half of me went with him. But if that is true, and it is, then as long as I live, half of him still does, too. That keeps me going. The work we have still to do. The adventures we have yet to take. Thank you to everyone who has reached out to share their own grief experiences. Even if I have not been able to respond, know that I have read your messages and appreciate them more than I could ever properly express in a caption. I have so much more to share of Brian’s life, his music, his talent, and his spirit. He was a force of nature. Everyone who knew him and had the privilege of being in his company knows exactly what I mean; and everyone who didn’t, will. #ForBrian #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds
Suspenders! My outfit didn’t originally have suspenders, but when I saw that @wayofbabs & @ansonmount’s leather pants, which were the same as my leather pants, had suspenders, I made some inquiries and voilà, life was easier. Made the sword fight much more comfortable. First go-round putting them on I criss-crossed them in front because ya think you know suspenders until you have to actually wear them. 🎩 #SirAdya #Ortegas #StrangeNewWorlds #StarTrekSNW @startrek @startrekonpplus
I remember the first time I saw the drawing of Sir Adya. Long before I got a script. It was me in rogue knight’s leather regalia. It was Aragorn and Indiana Jones and…me. I had no words. It was the character I had always wanted to play on a big screen standing right in front of me, albeit on paper, waiting for me to bring it to life. It was so perfectly me & yet also Star Trek & somehow also Lord of the Rings. A poster of Aragorn still hangs in my teenage bedroom in my parents’ home, and here I was a whole country away looking at me looking like him, sword & all. So I would be what…sword fighting? In space? As SIR Adya? And no one wanted to have a conversation about how any of that made sense? Because it made all the sense to me, but I’ve spent so much of my life explaining how “yes, I do make sense!” that the absolute ease of this felt unreal. Brian and I joked that the producers & writers must’ve had me followed. How else could this be? The role I worked my whole career for was turning out to be all the roles I had waited my life for (just wait ‘til you see what’s to come), all to be played out on the stage that is the USS Enterprise. 🥹⚔️🖖 Costume Designer: @berncroft Illustrator: @costumeillustration Writers: @onitrajohnson & @akelacooper 💫: @alonsomyers, @ajgoldsman1629, @widgetfactoryco & @billwearsties #StrangeNewWorlds #StarTrekSNW @startrekonpplus @startrek @paramountplus
I remember the first time I saw the drawing of Sir Adya. Long before I got a script. It was me in rogue knight’s leather regalia. It was Aragorn and Indiana Jones and…me. I had no words. It was the character I had always wanted to play on a big screen standing right in front of me, albeit on paper, waiting for me to bring it to life. It was so perfectly me & yet also Star Trek & somehow also Lord of the Rings. A poster of Aragorn still hangs in my teenage bedroom in my parents’ home, and here I was a whole country away looking at me looking like him, sword & all. So I would be what…sword fighting? In space? As SIR Adya? And no one wanted to have a conversation about how any of that made sense? Because it made all the sense to me, but I’ve spent so much of my life explaining how “yes, I do make sense!” that the absolute ease of this felt unreal. Brian and I joked that the producers & writers must’ve had me followed. How else could this be? The role I worked my whole career for was turning out to be all the roles I had waited my life for (just wait ‘til you see what’s to come), all to be played out on the stage that is the USS Enterprise. 🥹⚔️🖖 Costume Designer: @berncroft Illustrator: @costumeillustration Writers: @onitrajohnson & @akelacooper 💫: @alonsomyers, @ajgoldsman1629, @widgetfactoryco & @billwearsties #StrangeNewWorlds #StarTrekSNW @startrekonpplus @startrek @paramountplus
I remember the first time I saw the drawing of Sir Adya. Long before I got a script. It was me in rogue knight’s leather regalia. It was Aragorn and Indiana Jones and…me. I had no words. It was the character I had always wanted to play on a big screen standing right in front of me, albeit on paper, waiting for me to bring it to life. It was so perfectly me & yet also Star Trek & somehow also Lord of the Rings. A poster of Aragorn still hangs in my teenage bedroom in my parents’ home, and here I was a whole country away looking at me looking like him, sword & all. So I would be what…sword fighting? In space? As SIR Adya? And no one wanted to have a conversation about how any of that made sense? Because it made all the sense to me, but I’ve spent so much of my life explaining how “yes, I do make sense!” that the absolute ease of this felt unreal. Brian and I joked that the producers & writers must’ve had me followed. How else could this be? The role I worked my whole career for was turning out to be all the roles I had waited my life for (just wait ‘til you see what’s to come), all to be played out on the stage that is the USS Enterprise. 🥹⚔️🖖 Costume Designer: @berncroft Illustrator: @costumeillustration Writers: @onitrajohnson & @akelacooper 💫: @alonsomyers, @ajgoldsman1629, @widgetfactoryco & @billwearsties #StrangeNewWorlds #StarTrekSNW @startrekonpplus @startrek @paramountplus
That feeling when you cross paths with the one & only @jonathansfrakes on the set of the Enterprise and he shouts he’s a big fan and you get to shout back that you’re an even bigger fan and it’s not weird at all and then you both keep walking determinedly in your respective directions because there is so much work to do and more episodes to shoot of the most amazing show coming your way in just five days. MAY 5TH. #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds #Riker #Ortegas @startrekonpplus
I remember being with my parents right before I left to Toronto this past February and crying, freely, because I couldn’t see tomorrow. If I could safely collapse anywhere, it was with them. Maybe it was the thought of that, in the moment, and the thought of having to now do things without Brian physically at my side, that made me say to my dad: “I’m all alone now.” And he looked at me, held my face, and said, “No, you’re not. You have me.” I think of that a lot. I remind myself. One, because he’s right, but two, because my father, a man of few words these days, found the exact words I needed to hear without any difficulty, without any hesitation, without any doubt. When I was little I wanted to grow up to be just like him. I asked my mom to buy me a blazer just like the ones he wore. I started writing his name at the top of my worksheets in kindergarten because it had a better ring to it than mine. He introduced me to Laurel & Hardy and Gilbert & Sullivan and Indiana Jones. To James Cagney and Peter O’Toole and Giuseppe Verdi. I asked to watch Amadeus and The Scarlet Pimpernel over and over and for years never realized how disturbing both movies began because he used to skip the bloody parts without me noticing. (As I’m writing this I’m remembering that Brian, who had an encyclopedic knowledge of movies, knew how much I still don’t care for the bloody bits, and he’d recommend movies with that in mind or skip past parts accordingly.) We went on adventures and listened to classical music and watched World War II documentaries. He took me to his classes & lectures & research sessions. I went to school for Career Day dressed as him with a briefcase full of books he had written and explained to my confused friends what a PhD was and how I was gonna grow up to be a philosopher one day. He showed me the stars and the moon from our backyard on a telescope that was bigger than me. Space didn’t feel all that far. Nothing ever felt far. Or impossible. My dad never told me who I should be or needed to be when I grew up. He only showed me time and again who I could be. Way Out West. Pirates of Penzance. Raiders of the Lost Ark. He saw Ortegas in me way before I ever did.
Big things coming. ✨ #StrangeNewWorlds @startrekonpplus
Oh hey there, Sir Adya. 👑⚔️👑 #StrangeNewWorlds #StarTrekSNW @startrekonpplus
Yayyy. Number one. Brian called it. He saw the scripts, heard the Zoom cast reads, listened to my stories after every day of filming, knew my castmates’ resumes better than I did, filled me in on franchise details I had no idea about, watched The Original Series, Deep Space Nine, and The Next Generation with me, had the movies prepped for me to watch when I was ready (but we never got the chance because f*ck holidays forever), and had no doubt that this would not only be the best new show when it debuted, but that it’d be the best Star Trek show ever. (His words, not mine.) And he did all this with such a nonchalant coolness that I don’t think it ever truly dawned on me just how much of a fan he was, an undercover Trekkie if you will, and how very proud he was of me and impressed by what we accomplished. He did all this while still doing all his own work, writing and recording music, cooking the best dinners, playing guitar and piano, working on his computers, helping me in every single one of my auditions, going for walks and drives with me and bike rides, surprising me with gifts that I didn’t ask for but that now I can’t go a day without. Yesterday was five months. Five strange, overwhelming months. I didn’t cry because I didn’t have the time and because Brian wouldn’t have wanted it. I was on set all day, shooting Season 2 – a day that started early in the morning with me watching a scene from Frasier where Frasier gives his son a Bar Mitzvah blessing (unknowingly) in Klingon. You need to watch the full episode for context, but the scene is brilliant and heartwarming. So I started the day laughing, with Brian. Please continue to speak his name, share his stories, listen to his music (@thesagespeaksnyc is only a start), and do things as he would’ve done, with an appreciation for life that was unparalleled. Plenty of Bickie celebrating to come this summer and fall, in NYC and Ballyshannon and wherever I go, so get ready. And please do not worry about me or be sad for me and especially not for Brian. It’s the last thing he’d ever want. It’s not us at all. I’ve got Brian watching over me more than ever and he’s got me looking out for him. #StrangeNewWorlds
These fantastic-looking people I get to call crewmates and my very happy face will finally be gracing your screens tomorrow. May 5th. A new adventure begins. #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds @startrekonpplus @paramountplus
These fantastic-looking people I get to call crewmates and my very happy face will finally be gracing your screens tomorrow. May 5th. A new adventure begins. #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds @startrekonpplus @paramountplus
These fantastic-looking people I get to call crewmates and my very happy face will finally be gracing your screens tomorrow. May 5th. A new adventure begins. #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds @startrekonpplus @paramountplus
My after party outfit for the #StrangeNewWorlds #NYC Premiere. Blazer: My Brian’s Dress: “Celeste” (& my middle name) by @macduggal Necklace by @patriciavonmusulin Styled by @the_jorgemorales Clutch by @ingechristopher Boots by @stevemadden Makeup by @amandathesenbeauty Hair by @lauracosta.nyc Photo by @sorayadesignsthings (with paparazzi speed as I stopped to check myself out in the hotel mirror; Brian used to joke that I couldn’t walk by a mirror without stopping to check myself out…how right he was & how well he knew me) Canvas Tote Bag *also* by @sorayadesignsthings (it carried my extras for the evening and made the fancy car rounds, with an illustrated quote & reminder: “when you have the ability to see sadness in other people, the feeling never really leaves you”) The crowning piece of the night for me and what I knew had to be a part of the premiere is Brian’s black suede blazer. It kept me happy, warm, and looking cooler than I am all night. (Can you tell what a giant he was?) My dress choice was inspired by the ‘60s silver vinyl space age aesthetic and the clutch is a space grunge chic brick of a bag that also happens to be the silver counterpart to the gold one I carried at the premiere. I rented both the dress & clutches from Toronto’s @fitzroyrentals. My sister Soraya bought me the boots on a whim, which we still can’t figure out why as she has never bought me shoes before, let alone the perfect black boots, but she says something told her I was going to need them. (We say it was Brian. He always encouraged me to wear the boots I loved, no matter what anyone else had to say about it.) I wore them for both my outfits that evening. The metal tips shone gold at the premiere, matching my outfit’s gold brass hooks and the command gold carpet, and shone silver at the after party, matching my outfit’s space sheen motif. Totally unplanned, but that’s how life works. The necklace is a sculpted piece of silver art by Patricia Von Musulin, handpicked and styled by Jorge Morales. More pictures of the evening to come… @take3talent @imprintpr @natashamatallanamarken @erabon @mattsherman @startrekonpplus @thesagespeaksnyc @startrek
Just a picture of my prince and me. The #StrangeNewWorlds premiere is two nights away. It will be glorious, but it won’t be the same. We worked so hard, for so long, and I secretly dreamt about one day walking down a red carpet with my handsome man, my incredible partner, by my side. Then life hit us, hard, fast, and terrible, and my world broke apart. I’m still reeling, but still here, still going, trying to make sense of what will never make sense, shouldering the relentless burden of grief, and reluctantly stumbling forward. For him, for my family, for Star Trek. ✨ Brian will absolutely still be at my side this Saturday night. Of that I have no doubt. So if it looks like I’m walking alone, know that I’m not. The most wonderful man, in his favorite black velvet blazer, will be right there, beaming with pride and urging me not to cry. Teasing me not to fall in whatever heels I attempt. And making me laugh, because even now he’s able to do that better than anyone. #ForBrian #WithBrian @thesagespeaksnyc
“’Star Trek: Strange New Worlds’ is the perfect show for our Legacy Award because it encapsulates everything that this award stands for. The HCA Legacy Award celebrates a show that has taken a beloved property and, without relying solely on nostalgia, has been able to pay respectful tribute to the past while modernizing it in a fun and meaningful way, delighting original fans and a newer generation of devotees.” That’s us! 💫 #StrangeNewWorlds #StarTrekSNW #StarTrek @paramountplus @startrek @startrekonpplus @hollywoodcriticsassociation #HCATVAwards
Command gold & Colombian genes. #StarTrek #StrangeNewWorlds Wearing @tanner.fletcher Styled by @the_jorgemorales Makeup by @amandathesenbeauty Hair by @lauracosta.nyc Boots by @stevemadden Clutch by @ingechristopher Sanity by @sorayadesignsthings Shout-out to my phenomenal team: @take3talent, @natashamatallanamarken, @erabon, @mattsherman, @imprintpr, and @startrekonpplus. Photo credit: @michaelloccisano & @gettyentertainment
Oh hey there. It’s my face in space on possibly your commute home. Last time I was in a subway ad was a full 10 years ago in a campaign for the Blue Man Group. The road since has been long and ridiculous. My reps asked if I freaked when I saw #StrangeNewWorlds posters and banners plastered all over the station. But no, not at all. I was quite chill, with @sorayadesignsthings, smiling & nodding away, thinking to myself, so I’ve taken over Union Square. FINALLY. #NYC #StarTrek
Never been mad into cars, fancy or otherwise. Just realized it’s ‘cause I’ve been waiting my whole life for a starship. THE starship. Our Enterprise. 🚀💫 #StrangeNewWorlds @startrekonpplus
Two years ago I started making one of those personalized story books as a surprise gift for Brian. Didn’t know for what occasion. Maybe for our anniversary or his birthday or a holiday or just because. I dilly-dallied on it because there were so many other projects for work, creative and otherwise, that needed doing. Also, the pandemic. The f*cking pandemic that made and continues to make everything exhausting. But even though I didn’t finish it, my reason for wanting to do it never waned. It only intensified. I adore Brian. He made/makes me the happiest and even just thinking about the many adventures we had yet to go on filled me with a giddy hope I tried to be too cool about. Did I not tell him enough? No, I probably did. I’m sure I did. (He wouldn’t have let me carry on about it anyway. So one less thing to beat my grief self up about.) But, to the point… 🌌 Things are as they are, and while I’ve accepted that a certain sadness will tinge everything forever, it’s made me realize that precisely because happiness is fleeting is why I have to celebrate what does make me happy, when it makes me happy, no matter how silly or insignificant. One such moment was recently when I came across one of the pages I had been working on for that book, while I was packing to go to Ireland for Brian’s birthday. A drawing of us looking up at the stars, something we loved doing out in the woods where the sky is clearest. But the background at the time was blah and the stars were not many because that’s what you get from online templates, which made me laugh and smile. So, #happy. Also, I know Brian would have wanted to know why on earth we were the same height. 😆🙂 Energized by endorphins, and of course the excitement of heading to Brian’s hometown, I reached out to @sorayadesignsthings 🎨 for her artistic guidance, and the result is a magical forest landscape that avatar Brian and me now sit in, holding hands, looking up at a starry night sky. Or at least I am. Soraya says Brian is actually looking only at me.
