@calbowilson shares her favourite Australian phrases. Cal debuts her brand new hour at @adlfringe next week – all about the little things that annoy her. Incorrect grammar. Overconfident inaccuracy. Crocs. Strap yourself in for a night of laughs! 📍 Adelaide, @gclaughsfestival, @canberracomedy, @melbcomedyfestival, @sydneycomedyfestival, @briscomedyfest 🎟️ https://comedy.com.au/cal-wilson
What? How did that happen? #Kipper #PirateAndBarnacle #CatsOfInstagram Catstagram #TortoiseshellCat #Tortie #CuteCat #CatProtectionVic #CatProtection #Purr #Loud (Video: a close up of kitten with very green eyes and black and ginger fur. She is gazing at the camera, purring furiously, and making more noise than a kitten of her size should be able to)(Not pictured, the amazing staff at @catprotection, or the rest of their extremely well looked after cats of all ages and brands)
Barnacle’s really getting into his cattesthenics. Also, my show opens in Adelaide on Friday. Do come (if you’re elsewhere in Aus, check the link in my bio for tickets and show info). #PirateAndBarnacle #comedy #funny #StandUpComedy #AdelaideFringe #SingapuraCats #commentary #gymnastics #CatsOfInstagram #Catstagram #Adelaide (Video: Barnacle the cat is lying on his side, slightly curled in, he stretches and yawns, before curling back into his original position, but this time he’s got his face in the sun. I’m not describing this as well as my voiceover did)
Despite rampant speculation, his name is not Mozzarella. (Video: Pirate the cat has sat himself neatly down on top of a pizza box on a kitchen bench. There is no sign of him ever leaving. An accusatory finger comes into frame and points at him. He takes it as an invitation to smear his mouth all over Cal’s hand. Charming) #PirateAndBarnacle #SingapuraCat #Funny #CatsOf Instagram #Catstagram #CuteCat #Comedy #CatLife
It finally happened. He listened to me. (Video: Pirate the cat is sitting loudly on the coffee machine. When Cal asks everyone ego is not a barista to remove themselves, he gets off the machine and louds off screen. I’m pretty sure this means he’s resigned) #PirateAndBarnacle #SingapuraCat #funny #CuteCat #CatsOfInstagram #catsagram BaristaCats #coffee #CoffeeMachine)
Pillows aren’t supposed to have spikes. (Video: a crumpled pillow case lies on the floor, Cal’s hand opens it to reveal a slightly tempestuous Barnacle the cat. As she tries to open the pillowcase for a second time, he unleashes an angry paw. A lightning fast victory, as Cal cedes him sovereignty over the pillowcase.)
I just want to fold the laundry, but I have too much help. #kipper #PirateAndBarnacle #PirateAndBarnacleAndKipper #CatsOfInstagram #Catstagram #CuteCat #FunnyCat #CatsOfMelbourne #Funny #CouldEveryone (Video: an ottoman with a couple of piles of folded washing on it. In the centre is a pair of bright red pyjama pants which look suspiciously full and writhing. Cal’s hand opens the waistband and Kipper the tortoiseshell kitten emerges, her little face filling the screen. She shakes her head, and emphatic purring ensues)
Well that was very dangerous…. my son and I just had a tour of the @catprotection facility/cat palace in Greensborough. They do such an amazing job, looking after and rehoming so many kittens and cats (including some lovely senior ones). If you’re considering getting a cat of any vintage, you’re absolutely allowed to go and have a browse without an appointment. They also run a cat only vet clinic, so you can take yours in for new tyres or a tune up. We didn’t take this extremely purry kitten home…mainly because she’s waiting to be desexed (but also because another cat requires a unanimous vote, and the household is currently sitting at 2-1. We’re working on it) (Image: a boy in a red tee shirt holding a tortoiseshell kitten in his arms. They are both staring intently at the camera. Only one eye is visible on the boy, because the kitten is intenting in front of him. They are almost identical in cuteness, only the kitten won’t say “Mum, don’t write that I’m cute”)
Luring you in on the promise of New Kitten Kipper action….really just plugging my show – you’ve got till midday Wednesday to score $25 Supposably tickets for my run at @melbcomedyfestival. Buy some, and I’ll show you footage of Kipper styling my hair with all of her feet. If that’s not your niche, what about me styling my hair with all of my own feet? Or me styling my own foot hair? I’ve said too much. Like I said – $25 tickets till 11.59am Weds, or when allocation is exhausted. (I’m already exhausted from Kipper, and writing this post) #micf #comedy #PirateAndBarnacle #AndKipper #comedy #StandUpComedy #Melbourne (Video: Cal with Kipper the new kitten winding round her shoulders. The video starts with Kipper pushing off Cal’s face cheek with one hind foot. So graceful. Video ends with Kipper appearing on Cal’s other shoulder, and graciously accepting chin rubs. She is tiny and cute, and so is Kipper)
Pirate or Piranha? It’s a close run thing. Also, I’m touring my new show Supposably in the next few months starting with Adelaide in March, and I’d love to see you there. Ticket /info link in bio. It’s not going to be all about cats, but inevitably there will be some cat content (and some cat discontent). #comedy #Adelaide #Brisbane #Melbourne #Sydney #Canberra #SingapuraCat #CatsOfInstagram #Catstagram #CuteCat #StandUpComedy (Video: A sunny day, we are inside an enclosed verandah but we can see a sunny day and greenery outside. Pirate the cat is lying on a chair on a big blue and white cushion, indolently biting Cal’s left foot. The camera swings, and we see Barnacle the cat approaching over the back of the chair, apparently to take possession of Cal’s unattended right one)
An excellent time had by all. Such a beautiful (and delicious) spot at @josefchromywines, and such a fun @grapesofmirth gig. Thanks for looking after us so well! (Image: jubilantly smiling comedians gather round a counter, beautiful greenery in the background, some holding glasses of wine, some waving lavosh. Cal, Mel and Merrick are all wearing exuberantly patterned outfits, Rove and Naz are repping for men who like nice pale blue shirts, with Tommy in a stylish but ill advised black tee shirt and jeans. Not pictured, the relentless sun on the stage that made Tommy absolutely regret his attire) #Repost @rovemcmanus with @use.repost ・・・ What a time with these mad geniuses at @grapesofmirth in Tassie. @mrstommylittle @melindabuttle @nazeemhussain @calbowilson @merrickwatts
Ma’am, this is a wine rack. I’m going to need to see some I.D. #PirateAndBarnacleAndKipper #Funny #FunnyCat #CouldEveryone #CatsOfInstagram #Catstagram #Comedy #CuteCat (Video: a wooden wine rack (@isoking_au) which is empty except for Kipper the tortoiseshell kitten, who is clambering around inside it. It’s an adorable prison, like she’s practicing for the Cell Block Tango scene in Chicago. She eventually pops halfway out, but just as it seems she’s leaving, she stops to have a think. Pop six squish uh uh Cicero Lipschitz)
Kipper would like you to buy tickets to my show. Melbourne, Sydney, Canberra, Brisbane all on sale. Ticket link in bio. #melbourne #sydney #adelaide #canberra #brisbane #comedy #StandUpComedy #StandUp #ComedyFestival #TortoiseshellCat #kipper #PirateAndBarnacle (Image: Kipper, a tortoiseshell kitten sits inside what looks like a crocheted rainbow hat, but is in fact a cat cosy, created by @kittyflanagan for Pirate and Barnacle when they were small. Kipper fits in it perfectly. She is resting her chin on the edge, and regarding the camera with green eyes. She is looks demure and almost mournful, like a young Princess Diana in kitten form. Not pictured, Kipper’s determination to climb every screen door in the house)
If you’re celebrating Mardi Gras tonight, have the best time. Blowing a kiss to all my LGBTQI folks x ❤️🧡💛💚💙🖤🤎🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ #MardiGras #mardigras2023 #lgbtqi #love #pride #Kipper #PirateAndBarnacle (Video: Kipper the kitten in a rainbow coloured cat cosy. It looks a bit like a hat your Gran knitted without knowing your head size, and made it a bit bigger, just in case. Kipper sits up in the cosy, then subsides back down into it like she’s the filling in a crocheted burrito. She’s clearly too young and feline to take part in the celebrations, but she’s all for it)
Kipper is an agent of chaos. #PirateAndBarnacle #PirateAndBarnacleAndKipper #TortoiseshellCat #funny #CatsOfInstagram #catstagram #SingapuraCats #comedy #florist (Video: a smallish golden palm tree in a blue pot. The foliage is shaking violently. It becomes clear that there is a little gremlin face peering about, and little gremlin paws causing disruption in the leaves. It is Kipper the kitten, attempting to scale the plant like a mini King Kong who’s all out of Empire State Buildings. Finally she leaves the pot, walking past some dead fronds that Cal feels compelled to mention in case you pour scorn on her inadequate plant husbandry)
Pirate’s getting compared to beautiful human women again. (Video: Pirate the cat sitting (illegally) on a bench in semi loaf position. He is gazing up at the camera with his big round eyes. As Cal says “Anya Taylor-Joy” a cut out photo of her lips, on a stick, appears from the side. It hovers over Pirate’s face. He turns away, unamused) #PieateAndBarnacle #SingapuraCat #AnyaTaylorJoy #CatsOfInstagram #Catstagram #CuteCat #PetLover #CatLife #Funny
Saw @gracepetriemusic smash it at the @northcotesocialclub last night. She and @folkieben had an absolute corker – you’ve got one more chance to see them tonight in Geelong at the Barwon Club Hotel. Cannot recommend highly enough. It was our 15th wedding anniversary which is crystal, but we misread and took @kirstywebeck instead (Image: 3 smiling women with their arms around each other in front of a stage. It’s only @kirstywebeck, @gracepetriemusic and Cal being all delighted with each other. @folkieben is in the background looking quizzically off camera. It is a delightful tableau)
People keep saying Pirate looks like Emma Stone. What do you reckon? (Video: Pirate the cat is lying on a dress on the ironing board. As Cal says people are saying he looks like Emma Stone, she lowers a cut out photo of Emma Stone’s long red hair in front of Pirate’s face. He turns his head so one eye is hidden by the fringe. He looks very fetching. And maybe a tiny bit like Emma Stone. If she was a cat on an ironing board) #PirateAndBarnacle #SingapuraCat #EmmaStone #Funny #CatsOfInstagram #Catstagram #CuteCat #CuteCats
Hey Adelaide! Over here! Over here! To celebrate Adelaide Fringe kicking off this week, I have $25 tickets for 25 hours available NOW! Get $25 tickets to my brand-new show on the dates listed below. I suggest you be quick – the offer ends at 11.59am tomorrow or until allocation is exhausted! 🗓️ 13, 14, 15, 16 Mar Link in bio! (Image 1: It’s her festival image again. Cal in her cape, looking at the word “Supposably” with disdain. Especially now she’s typed it so many times, autocorrect recognises it as a word. Above her head are the words Adelaide Fringe 25 tickets for the next 25 hours. Below in teeny disclaimer writing is: ends Feb 13th or when allocation is exhausted. Image 2: Cal and @pohlingyeow stand together at the Adelaide Farmers Market. Poh is looking cool and doing a peace sign, Cal looking excited like someone who’s just met Poh. Not shown: how much Val us going to pester Poh to be allowed to work on the @_jamface_ stall again)
Hey Adelaide! Over here! Over here! To celebrate Adelaide Fringe kicking off this week, I have $25 tickets for 25 hours available NOW! Get $25 tickets to my brand-new show on the dates listed below. I suggest you be quick – the offer ends at 11.59am tomorrow or until allocation is exhausted! 🗓️ 13, 14, 15, 16 Mar Link in bio! (Image 1: It’s her festival image again. Cal in her cape, looking at the word “Supposably” with disdain. Especially now she’s typed it so many times, autocorrect recognises it as a word. Above her head are the words Adelaide Fringe 25 tickets for the next 25 hours. Below in teeny disclaimer writing is: ends Feb 13th or when allocation is exhausted. Image 2: Cal and @pohlingyeow stand together at the Adelaide Farmers Market. Poh is looking cool and doing a peace sign, Cal looking excited like someone who’s just met Poh. Not shown: how much Val us going to pester Poh to be allowed to work on the @_jamface_ stall again)
Melbourne Comedy Festival’s glorious 25/25 offer is now running! Get $25 tickets to Supposably on the dates listed below. Book like the wind! The offer ends at 11.59am tomorrow (Wed 8 Feb) or when the allocation is exhausted. 🗓️ Mar 30 & 31, April 2, 5, 6, 7, 9, 12 & 13 🎟️ https://cmdy.live/MICF23CalWilson (Image: Cal’s festival poster image, with Cal on a delicious blue background. She is wearing her lovely grey button up cape, which is sort of giving retro futuristic space nurse vibes. She is gazing to the side, at the title of her show which is Suppsably, a misspelling that hurts to even write down. Below her is a yellow banner which reads: Melbourne Comedy Festival’s 25/25. A$25 tickets for the next 25 hours. Ends Wed 8th, 11.59 am or when allocation exhausted. Booking fees apply) (not shown, the wind that you’re booking like)
I put my show poster through the AI Manga filter on Tik Tok, and screenshotted it. Wasn’t prepared for the hat or the massive norkage. Still, I can’t wait to visit Aalzmor and Meladuene. Bit nervous about Condfihn this time of year. If you’re an actual human, living IRL, ticket link for my live action tour is in the bio. If you’re Anime, see you in Eyunen. (Image: a cartoon version of Cal’s festival poster. Across the top, her name reads Cal Wiisen. Below, instead of Supposably in cursive, it reads approximately “Buyowitiw” Below, in pink letters it reads something that might say “ILLGATIE” but it’s hard to be sure, followed by “WIIPEUMIIU,” “AAZLMOR,” “MELADEUNE,” “RUSH SOEWO,” “CONDFIHN,” and “EYUNEN.” Next to that is a Manga Cal, wearing a purple hat instead of hair. She has no mouth, and a majestic chest, housed in a dull grey cape. Disturbingly, there is a second face peeping out the bottom of her cape, but it’s partially obscured by the record button, and the words “tap to shoot.” Did I mention it was a screenshot?) #comedy #StandUpComedy #MICF #ComedyTour #AustralianComedy #ComedyFestival #FestivalShow #StandUp #Funny #anime #Manga
Brisbane!! It’s your turn – tickets to my new show Supposably are now on sale (link in bio). Can’t wait to see you at the Powerhouse! Dates are 18-21 May. Need your advice though, now the cat cafe has closed what is the one cool thing I should do while I’m there? (I once saw a water dragon bite a kid in the gardens, so no need to suggest that) #StandUpComedy #Brisbane #BrisbaneComedyFestival #comedy (Image: a close up of Cal’s face and shoulders. She is wearing her signature retro-future superhero/nurse cape. She has a yearning-y smile as she looks off into the distance, as if she’s remembering the great Brisbane audiences, and the bitey water dragon)
Epic episode with @calbowilson is now out! Cal Wilson is a stand-up comedian, writer, actor, author and TV and radio host. She moved from New Zealand to Australian shores in 2003 and has gone on to become one of Australia’s most popular comedians. She is a favourite on television shows such as ABC’s Spicks and Specks and Good News Week, as well as Thank God You’re Here, Hughesy, We Have A Problem, Have You Been Paying Attention? Skithouse, Rove Live, The Glasshouse and the 2022 premiere series of Would I Lie To You? Australia, all on Network Ten. Amongst taking our screens and stages by storm, Cal landed a dream job of hers – an ensemble cast member in Whose Line Is It Anyway? Australia alongside some of the country’s brightest improvisers. In 2018, she was invited by Netflix to the Montreal Just for Laughs comedy festival in Montreal to record a Netflix Original Comedy Special which was released globally in early 2019. That same year Cal become a very serious children’s author, penning two books called “George and the Great Bum Stampede,” and “George and the Great Brain Swappery.” Despite an aversion to the great outdoors, Cal bravely joined the cast of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! in 2022 which saw her take on all the usual hair-raising challenges and biblical amount of bugs the series has to offer. Unprecedented times called for unprecedented adventures and at the very least some good material. Taking a swift move away from creepy crawlies and into all things cake – Cal has just been announced as a brand new host of The Great Australian Bake Off which will air on Foxtel in 2023. Cal also has some shows out, in particular if you’re in Melbourne check her out at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival! We chat about Cal’s Reddit routine, obsession with cats, improv and standup, collaboration and connection, her unique philosophy and mindset, supporting others, perseverance and resilience! Full podcast under “Funny in Failure” wherever you listen to your pods or link in my bio. Full video of the podcast will be released tomorrow on YouTube under @michael_kahan Enjoy!
