Ask me anything. I’ll reply. But it goes both ways. I’ll track you down with some hard questions & you better have answers.
Q: Why name the brave fox in this book “Michael J.?”
A: I always admired the real Mr. Fox’s talent. I admire his courage & grace even more.
Q: What’s your go-to meal at a summer BBQ?
A: I’m a contrarian in most things, so I dig into the coleslaw and bottled water.
Here’s what I used to do: If someone asked if I was Dean Koontz, I pretended not to know who that was. If the person insisted, I flew into a rage and said that I knew I resembled Dean Koontz, that I’d had multiple painful surgeries to correct that affliction, and that Dean Koontz——fiend that he is——mocked me by having the same plastic surgery I had in order to preserve the resemblance between us. I discovered my readers were too intelligent to fall for this. Ever since, I have admitted to my identity and wish I had done so in the past, because everyone is always nice and flatters me more than I deserve.
Q: Elsa’s favorite springtime activity?
A: As a water dog, she hunts ducks & treats them to a day at Disneyland where they can meet Donald.
Q: Do you miss writing about Odd Thomas?
A: Would I miss a chopped-off arm? Yes. Though I’d miss the arm a tad more than I miss Odd.
Q: What would Odd Thomas do in retirement?
A: Get out of his Lay-Z-Boy on day two, get back to working the griddle & chasing ghosts.
Robin, I’m sorry to hear about sweet Misha. The grief endures for quite a while, but in time what you have is not a sense of loss but a sweet memory of the love and joy that you received from that special relationship. Unlike humans, dogs are innocents and remain innocent all their lives; therefore, if there is a life beyond this one, they are guaranteed eternity and are gone from here to a better world. There is always another dog that needs us——and we always need that dog in turn.
Q: Advice for college students?
A: Interpreting the novels of Dickens in cakes with pictorial icing isn’t a viable career in literature.
Q: Do you worry AI will write novels?
A: AI will write soulless novels, for it has no soul. Most readers will find them empty.
Q: How does Elsa deal with fame.
A: She makes me sit through classes during which she tries to teach me humility.
Ask me anything. I’ll answer a few questions. If something goes wrong, we’ll duel at dawn with Hellfire missiles at fifty feet.
All of it. Whether it comes from a famous musician or a grandmother in Iowa, a comedian I’ve always admired or an eighth-grade boy, reader mail buoy’s my spirit. I’m grateful for all of it. If it’s snail mail, I try to answer every letter. The volume of email to the website is more than I can handle, but I’m grateful for that, too. In my early days as a novelist, the only people who wrote me were friends and relatives, who were mostly writing to ask me to stop writing to them.
Happy Memorial Day! Remember those who have sacrificed so much to keep us free. Be grateful. Be kind. Be cool.
Q: What would be in your doomsday backpack?
A: A clever device that teleports me to a comfortable Earth-like planet in another galaxy.
Certainly WATCHERS, but also a book waiting to be published next January, THE BAD WEATHER FRIEND.
What animal scares me most? The human animal. It’s no contest.
Q: Do you have any springtime allergies?
A: I just discovered it’s not pollen I’m allergic to——it’s Kleenex.
Q: Your advice to writers for receiving criticism?
A: if it’s good, it’s inspired by God. If it’s bad, it’s proof that Satan exists.
Q: What’s a lesson you learned when you were becoming a writer?
A: Don’t try to pay your taxes with copies of your books.
Q: Of the many dogs in your novels, which would you like to take home?
A: All of them——after buying stock in a poop-bag company.
I’m interested in nearly everything except radical competition crocheting. I’m especially interested in Art Deco and Japanese bronze sculpture and painting from the Meiji period, and we collect both. I know that sounds almost too exciting to bear, but I’ve always been an edgy guy.
Q: What’s the best thing about summer? Worst?
A: Best——the thrill of fighting off sharks during a swim. Worst——being emasculated by sharks.
What really made me laugh recently? I’m a sucker for Jim Gaffigan comedy specials. Any mirror will do it for me, too. And not long ago I delivered a comic suspense novel, THE BAD WEATHER FRIEND, that had me on the edge of my seat and at the same time laughing out loud.
