My new novel AFTER DEATH is full of friendship, hope, excitement, and twists and turns.
THE BAD WEATHER FRIEND, coming in January, is one of my best novels. In all modesty, one of the best by anyone. Ever. In all of time. In any language.
I’ve been giving tips to writers for 50 years but nobody ever takes any of them! So I’m going to give a tip to cabinet makers, instead.
I think everyone should read the entire body of work by Proust…but only in Japanese.
Q: What’s your favorite fall treat?
A: That most traditional of autumn treats, a cheeseburger with fries.
Q: How do you write a great first line?
A: Why? So you can compete with me? Take my readers? Leave me broke? Get out of here with your questions.
Q: What’s Elsa’s favorite thing about fall?
A: Is no good thing. Fall & hurt self. Fall in pool, can’t find steps, drown. Stand solid on 4 legs is good.
Q: Your books make us laugh. What makes you laugh?
A: Mirrors. The stupid things I’ve done over the years. The novels of Donald Westlake.
Q: Was Harmony Corner based on a real place?
A: It’s real in my head, so it’s as real as anywhere to me. I had breakfast there yesterday.
I thought FROM THE CORNER OF HIS EYE was so complex that it would break my brain. When it didn’t (it didn’t, I’m sure it didn’t), I never worried about that kind of thing again. Truly gruesome material has never appealed to me.
Ask me anything. I’ll answer if I can. Just don’t ask me about my feet or nose. I’m sensitive about them. And my chin. And my left ear.
If I could write a book set anywhere at all, I would have it set inside my brain.
It’s National Grandparents’ Day! Two of mine were dead when I was born, so they were hard to get to know. Grandpa John was cool, but he was a lot older than I was.
Q: Any tips for writing good dialogue?
A: You want me to tip you? Get real. I only tip waiters and waitresses.
Q: How is Kipp, in DEVOTED, similar to Elsa?
A: I can’t think of anything except both subscribe to Quantum Mechanics Magazine.
Q: Did you ever tell scary stories around a campfire?
A: Yes, but I hate camping, so we sat around a fire in the living room. Not smart.
Q: Can men & women really be friends like in Ashley Bell?
A: Absolutely. If men would just try to smell better.
Q: Are the aliens in ODD APOCALYPSE how real aliens look?
A: No. The real ETs among us look like Fred next door.
Q: What writing advice is misunderstood?
A: “Write what you know.” If you do research and think, you can know—& write about—anything.
Ask me anything. They call me Mr. Answerman. They call me a lot of things, but Mr. Answerman is the nicest.
Treat dogs as if the fate of your soul depends on the kindness and devotion you bestow on them, because I’m pretty sure it does. Anyway, that’s how dogs treat us.
Q: What is your earliest memory?
A: It was when I woke up at 4:58 this morning and remembered who I was at 5:02.
Research continues throughout the book. There’s always something I’ve got to learn. A novel 100,000 words long takes me 5 or 6 months, but that is working 60-hour weeks and often longer. That’s why I’ve got to LOVE what I’m writing. If there was no passion involved, it would be a grind. When I’m swept away by the story, a 10-hour day seems like 4.
We do laugh a lot. However, the repartee in novels is polished, which takes time, and we don’t tend to sit around with laptops composing lines we can use with each other.
