Thank you for your lovely messages of support yesterday. I feel I must clarify that I actually wasn’t hurt by any of the mean stuff posted. Truthfully, I just noticed them and thought ‘’This is not ok’’
I showed them to Ayda in the car on the way back from the pop-up premier thing. Our general feelings towards them were more ‘’Wow, tough room, people are weird’’ These were messages on my own insta page too.
Considering I have body dysmorphia and low self-esteem the fact that I wasn’t hurt by them shows how far I’ve come. That or being skinny-shamed feels better than being fat-shamed. Yeah, thinking about it its probably that.
A journalist once wrote a story about me. We had a face-to-face interview. When I read back what he’d written. The effects would last a long time. He went into every facet of my appearance and in the end concluded that I was in effect ‘’Grotesque’’.
That interview was in 2005. Yesterday when I walked around the pop-up store for my Netflix doc and all the pictures of me over the years were on display.
All I could hear or think was ‘’Grotesque’
And then afterwards I got into bed and watched Big Brother and Mafs and had a lovely time.
That’s the thing my low self-esteem doesn’t run the show anymore.
It just pops up in my pop-up from time to time.
Bunny Love
Namaste ❤️🙏
Thank you for your lovely messages of support yesterday. I feel I must clarify that I actually wasn’t hurt by any of the mean stuff posted. Truthfully, I just noticed them and thought ‘’This is not ok’’
I showed them to Ayda in the car on the way back from the pop-up premier thing. Our general feelings towards them were more ‘’Wow, tough room, people are weird’’ These were messages on my own insta page too.
Considering I have body dysmorphia and low self-esteem the fact that I wasn’t hurt by them shows how far I’ve come. That or being skinny-shamed feels better than being fat-shamed. Yeah, thinking about it its probably that.
A journalist once wrote a story about me. We had a face-to-face interview. When I read back what he’d written. The effects would last a long time. He went into every facet of my appearance and in the end concluded that I was in effect ‘’Grotesque’’.
That interview was in 2005. Yesterday when I walked around the pop-up store for my Netflix doc and all the pictures of me over the years were on display.
All I could hear or think was ‘’Grotesque’
And then afterwards I got into bed and watched Big Brother and Mafs and had a lovely time.
That’s the thing my low self-esteem doesn’t run the show anymore.
It just pops up in my pop-up from time to time.
Bunny Love
Namaste ❤️🙏
Thank you for your lovely messages of support yesterday. I feel I must clarify that I actually wasn’t hurt by any of the mean stuff posted. Truthfully, I just noticed them and thought ‘’This is not ok’’
I showed them to Ayda in the car on the way back from the pop-up premier thing. Our general feelings towards them were more ‘’Wow, tough room, people are weird’’ These were messages on my own insta page too.
Considering I have body dysmorphia and low self-esteem the fact that I wasn’t hurt by them shows how far I’ve come. That or being skinny-shamed feels better than being fat-shamed. Yeah, thinking about it its probably that.
A journalist once wrote a story about me. We had a face-to-face interview. When I read back what he’d written. The effects would last a long time. He went into every facet of my appearance and in the end concluded that I was in effect ‘’Grotesque’’.
That interview was in 2005. Yesterday when I walked around the pop-up store for my Netflix doc and all the pictures of me over the years were on display.
All I could hear or think was ‘’Grotesque’
And then afterwards I got into bed and watched Big Brother and Mafs and had a lovely time.
That’s the thing my low self-esteem doesn’t run the show anymore.
It just pops up in my pop-up from time to time.
Bunny Love
Namaste ❤️🙏
Thank you for your lovely messages of support yesterday. I feel I must clarify that I actually wasn’t hurt by any of the mean stuff posted. Truthfully, I just noticed them and thought ‘’This is not ok’’
I showed them to Ayda in the car on the way back from the pop-up premier thing. Our general feelings towards them were more ‘’Wow, tough room, people are weird’’ These were messages on my own insta page too.
Considering I have body dysmorphia and low self-esteem the fact that I wasn’t hurt by them shows how far I’ve come. That or being skinny-shamed feels better than being fat-shamed. Yeah, thinking about it its probably that.
A journalist once wrote a story about me. We had a face-to-face interview. When I read back what he’d written. The effects would last a long time. He went into every facet of my appearance and in the end concluded that I was in effect ‘’Grotesque’’.
That interview was in 2005. Yesterday when I walked around the pop-up store for my Netflix doc and all the pictures of me over the years were on display.
All I could hear or think was ‘’Grotesque’
And then afterwards I got into bed and watched Big Brother and Mafs and had a lovely time.
That’s the thing my low self-esteem doesn’t run the show anymore.
It just pops up in my pop-up from time to time.
Bunny Love
Namaste ❤️🙏
Thank you for your lovely messages of support yesterday. I feel I must clarify that I actually wasn’t hurt by any of the mean stuff posted. Truthfully, I just noticed them and thought ‘’This is not ok’’
I showed them to Ayda in the car on the way back from the pop-up premier thing. Our general feelings towards them were more ‘’Wow, tough room, people are weird’’ These were messages on my own insta page too.
Considering I have body dysmorphia and low self-esteem the fact that I wasn’t hurt by them shows how far I’ve come. That or being skinny-shamed feels better than being fat-shamed. Yeah, thinking about it its probably that.
A journalist once wrote a story about me. We had a face-to-face interview. When I read back what he’d written. The effects would last a long time. He went into every facet of my appearance and in the end concluded that I was in effect ‘’Grotesque’’.
That interview was in 2005. Yesterday when I walked around the pop-up store for my Netflix doc and all the pictures of me over the years were on display.
All I could hear or think was ‘’Grotesque’
And then afterwards I got into bed and watched Big Brother and Mafs and had a lovely time.
That’s the thing my low self-esteem doesn’t run the show anymore.
It just pops up in my pop-up from time to time.
Bunny Love
Namaste ❤️🙏
Thank you for your lovely messages of support yesterday. I feel I must clarify that I actually wasn’t hurt by any of the mean stuff posted. Truthfully, I just noticed them and thought ‘’This is not ok’’
I showed them to Ayda in the car on the way back from the pop-up premier thing. Our general feelings towards them were more ‘’Wow, tough room, people are weird’’ These were messages on my own insta page too.
Considering I have body dysmorphia and low self-esteem the fact that I wasn’t hurt by them shows how far I’ve come. That or being skinny-shamed feels better than being fat-shamed. Yeah, thinking about it its probably that.
A journalist once wrote a story about me. We had a face-to-face interview. When I read back what he’d written. The effects would last a long time. He went into every facet of my appearance and in the end concluded that I was in effect ‘’Grotesque’’.
That interview was in 2005. Yesterday when I walked around the pop-up store for my Netflix doc and all the pictures of me over the years were on display.
All I could hear or think was ‘’Grotesque’
And then afterwards I got into bed and watched Big Brother and Mafs and had a lovely time.
That’s the thing my low self-esteem doesn’t run the show anymore.
It just pops up in my pop-up from time to time.
Bunny Love
Namaste ❤️🙏
Im on a plane again. Just left my family. They were ALL crying this time.
Well, Not Charlie. He hugs but doesn’t cry. Even Beau the 4 year old joined in. There was a call from his nursery
today.’’Is something going on at your house because Beau has been upset? Something about his Dad leaving?’’
Fortunately, the reason is less like a country song and more like, well, Exactly like his popstar dad is off to do that thing he does for a while. It’s the first time he’s joined in with the girls and their tears.
It feels good to be needed. It feels good to mean that much to them. It feels good to be loved. Alas I do know
that pretty soon when the teenage years happen they’ll probably cry at the thought of me coming back.
But for now, im pretty epic in their eyes and that feels fully epic in my soul.
Mummy has really struggled this time. She always does when I leave but her whole day and the thoughts in it were centred around me not being there for longer than she would like. And this caused a great sadness.
Ayda was sad last week too. She would say ‘’Boozy, I can’t believe you’re going to go away soon’’ I look over and her face is full of vulnerability and on the verge of tears. I would say ‘’We have to deal with the right now. And right now it’s 9.50 pm, it’s Thursday and im sat in this car with you’’ This helps her in the moment, It doesn’t extinguish all the fearful thoughts she may have. But I can see her try to pull herself together and be a ‘’Big girl’’
Me? Well, Im on a mission. I leave to provide. I leave, to provide, so there’s something to come back to. And that ‘’something’’ on all fronts has a magic way bigger than my tiny mind can process.
Im a very lucky man.Possibly the luckiest.
With Gratitude To my family
And to those about to come and see me perform
Robert
❤️🙏
@robbiewilliams is taking his prep for the pop-up of his ‘Robbie Williams’ Netflix Documentary tonight very seriously …or at least from the top half up 🤣 #spraytan #bts #manglam 😍(PS I’m going to look pale next to him now 🤪) AWxx
…About that after party : @robbiewilliams and I in our Beau Cricket Jumpers and our underwear 💙 #afterparty #mrandmrs #danceparty #fuckingfantastic @shopayda AWxx
So, here are a few things from yesterday That are not ok,I say a few because there were many more .
“personally he looks un well .Theres a few ‘Red flags’ with him and his ‘Handler’ …i mean wife 😗”
“his wife is also too skinny, same diet?”
“too much!!! Agreed!!! No muscles at all 😢”
“SKINNY LOOKS ILL”
“Tooo thin !”
“Oh God, he’s gotten thin.. what does the wife just do with him😢 Botox and lose weight madness”
“If you are that skinny you definitely should do exercises! Shoulders, breast, arms and of course back and little legs. Please! Ayda, do something! 😉🙏🏼😘”
“Robbie you lost too much weight you would look better with a few kilos”
“Omg looks like 80 year old”
“Ffs you look like Ada anorexic not a good look at all Robbi😢”
I am not your Ken doll
Robert
Namaste ❤️🙏
Just In the bedroom with Ayda ‘’When was I in London with you, was it last week?’’ She informed me it was 3 weeks ago.
So that means, I’ve been ‘’better than meh’’ for at least 3 weeks. -says to self-My mental health has been pretty sound for a whole 3 weeks. Woah.
im not counting chickens of course, But. What happens if im fixed? This is highly unlikely. But much like the fat comedian that worries if he loses weight, he won’t be as funny. What if all the negative thoughts and anxiety just went away?What if the social discomfort evaporates?Instead of that being a triumphant thought it kinda made me feel, well, Anxious ….Shit….Who will i be then? Now im thinking this is just the darkness trying to feed me lies to hold on to this mess. What if I love this fucked upness and im just delusional?
See how it gets ya?…Fucking hilarious…genuinely…
Anyway, I had an amazing 9th birthday day with my son Charlie. A day that’s as good as it gets. Simple
and beautiful. He says to me ‘’Dad all the girls at camp fancy me’’ and then feigning what he thinks I’ll buy as humility says ‘’don’t know why’’.The thing is he’s being honest and dishonest. He doesn’t know why but at the same time he’s enjoying the feeling. That’s where the little smirk comes in. Mine and his. I also think he might be the only boy there. But I won’t let that spoil his fun and newfound ponderings.
later in the day, I catch him looking in the mirror.’’Dad, do you think I could be a model?’’ I reply’’Most definitely mate’’ after a moment of studying his reflection a bit longer, he says ‘’I can’t be a model dad’’
‘’why’’ I say. ‘’I’ve got two cowlicks in my hair. Models don’t have cowlicks’’.I turned on the water tap, ran the water through my fingers and patted down the offensive’ licks’’…..’’ There you go’’ I say ‘’Model’’.
He smiled……’You know, Your Dad’s done some modelling’’ I say whilst standing there admiring him admiring his de-licked hair. He then turns to me with a look of incredulity and disdain that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. Kids eh?
Here’s to you Charlton Valentine Williams. The very mention of your name makes my heart smile.
Charlies Dad
Namaste ❤️🙏
Just In the bedroom with Ayda ‘’When was I in London with you, was it last week?’’ She informed me it was 3 weeks ago.
So that means, I’ve been ‘’better than meh’’ for at least 3 weeks. -says to self-My mental health has been pretty sound for a whole 3 weeks. Woah.
im not counting chickens of course, But. What happens if im fixed? This is highly unlikely. But much like the fat comedian that worries if he loses weight, he won’t be as funny. What if all the negative thoughts and anxiety just went away?What if the social discomfort evaporates?Instead of that being a triumphant thought it kinda made me feel, well, Anxious ….Shit….Who will i be then? Now im thinking this is just the darkness trying to feed me lies to hold on to this mess. What if I love this fucked upness and im just delusional?
See how it gets ya?…Fucking hilarious…genuinely…
Anyway, I had an amazing 9th birthday day with my son Charlie. A day that’s as good as it gets. Simple
and beautiful. He says to me ‘’Dad all the girls at camp fancy me’’ and then feigning what he thinks I’ll buy as humility says ‘’don’t know why’’.The thing is he’s being honest and dishonest. He doesn’t know why but at the same time he’s enjoying the feeling. That’s where the little smirk comes in. Mine and his. I also think he might be the only boy there. But I won’t let that spoil his fun and newfound ponderings.
later in the day, I catch him looking in the mirror.’’Dad, do you think I could be a model?’’ I reply’’Most definitely mate’’ after a moment of studying his reflection a bit longer, he says ‘’I can’t be a model dad’’
‘’why’’ I say. ‘’I’ve got two cowlicks in my hair. Models don’t have cowlicks’’.I turned on the water tap, ran the water through my fingers and patted down the offensive’ licks’’…..’’ There you go’’ I say ‘’Model’’.
He smiled……’You know, Your Dad’s done some modelling’’ I say whilst standing there admiring him admiring his de-licked hair. He then turns to me with a look of incredulity and disdain that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. Kids eh?
Here’s to you Charlton Valentine Williams. The very mention of your name makes my heart smile.
Charlies Dad
Namaste ❤️🙏
Just In the bedroom with Ayda ‘’When was I in London with you, was it last week?’’ She informed me it was 3 weeks ago.
So that means, I’ve been ‘’better than meh’’ for at least 3 weeks. -says to self-My mental health has been pretty sound for a whole 3 weeks. Woah.
im not counting chickens of course, But. What happens if im fixed? This is highly unlikely. But much like the fat comedian that worries if he loses weight, he won’t be as funny. What if all the negative thoughts and anxiety just went away?What if the social discomfort evaporates?Instead of that being a triumphant thought it kinda made me feel, well, Anxious ….Shit….Who will i be then? Now im thinking this is just the darkness trying to feed me lies to hold on to this mess. What if I love this fucked upness and im just delusional?
See how it gets ya?…Fucking hilarious…genuinely…
Anyway, I had an amazing 9th birthday day with my son Charlie. A day that’s as good as it gets. Simple
and beautiful. He says to me ‘’Dad all the girls at camp fancy me’’ and then feigning what he thinks I’ll buy as humility says ‘’don’t know why’’.The thing is he’s being honest and dishonest. He doesn’t know why but at the same time he’s enjoying the feeling. That’s where the little smirk comes in. Mine and his. I also think he might be the only boy there. But I won’t let that spoil his fun and newfound ponderings.
later in the day, I catch him looking in the mirror.’’Dad, do you think I could be a model?’’ I reply’’Most definitely mate’’ after a moment of studying his reflection a bit longer, he says ‘’I can’t be a model dad’’
‘’why’’ I say. ‘’I’ve got two cowlicks in my hair. Models don’t have cowlicks’’.I turned on the water tap, ran the water through my fingers and patted down the offensive’ licks’’…..’’ There you go’’ I say ‘’Model’’.
He smiled……’You know, Your Dad’s done some modelling’’ I say whilst standing there admiring him admiring his de-licked hair. He then turns to me with a look of incredulity and disdain that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. Kids eh?
Here’s to you Charlton Valentine Williams. The very mention of your name makes my heart smile.
Charlies Dad
Namaste ❤️🙏
Just In the bedroom with Ayda ‘’When was I in London with you, was it last week?’’ She informed me it was 3 weeks ago.
So that means, I’ve been ‘’better than meh’’ for at least 3 weeks. -says to self-My mental health has been pretty sound for a whole 3 weeks. Woah.
im not counting chickens of course, But. What happens if im fixed? This is highly unlikely. But much like the fat comedian that worries if he loses weight, he won’t be as funny. What if all the negative thoughts and anxiety just went away?What if the social discomfort evaporates?Instead of that being a triumphant thought it kinda made me feel, well, Anxious ….Shit….Who will i be then? Now im thinking this is just the darkness trying to feed me lies to hold on to this mess. What if I love this fucked upness and im just delusional?
See how it gets ya?…Fucking hilarious…genuinely…
Anyway, I had an amazing 9th birthday day with my son Charlie. A day that’s as good as it gets. Simple
and beautiful. He says to me ‘’Dad all the girls at camp fancy me’’ and then feigning what he thinks I’ll buy as humility says ‘’don’t know why’’.The thing is he’s being honest and dishonest. He doesn’t know why but at the same time he’s enjoying the feeling. That’s where the little smirk comes in. Mine and his. I also think he might be the only boy there. But I won’t let that spoil his fun and newfound ponderings.
later in the day, I catch him looking in the mirror.’’Dad, do you think I could be a model?’’ I reply’’Most definitely mate’’ after a moment of studying his reflection a bit longer, he says ‘’I can’t be a model dad’’
‘’why’’ I say. ‘’I’ve got two cowlicks in my hair. Models don’t have cowlicks’’.I turned on the water tap, ran the water through my fingers and patted down the offensive’ licks’’…..’’ There you go’’ I say ‘’Model’’.
He smiled……’You know, Your Dad’s done some modelling’’ I say whilst standing there admiring him admiring his de-licked hair. He then turns to me with a look of incredulity and disdain that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. Kids eh?
Here’s to you Charlton Valentine Williams. The very mention of your name makes my heart smile.
Charlies Dad
Namaste ❤️🙏
Just In the bedroom with Ayda ‘’When was I in London with you, was it last week?’’ She informed me it was 3 weeks ago.
So that means, I’ve been ‘’better than meh’’ for at least 3 weeks. -says to self-My mental health has been pretty sound for a whole 3 weeks. Woah.
im not counting chickens of course, But. What happens if im fixed? This is highly unlikely. But much like the fat comedian that worries if he loses weight, he won’t be as funny. What if all the negative thoughts and anxiety just went away?What if the social discomfort evaporates?Instead of that being a triumphant thought it kinda made me feel, well, Anxious ….Shit….Who will i be then? Now im thinking this is just the darkness trying to feed me lies to hold on to this mess. What if I love this fucked upness and im just delusional?
See how it gets ya?…Fucking hilarious…genuinely…
Anyway, I had an amazing 9th birthday day with my son Charlie. A day that’s as good as it gets. Simple
and beautiful. He says to me ‘’Dad all the girls at camp fancy me’’ and then feigning what he thinks I’ll buy as humility says ‘’don’t know why’’.The thing is he’s being honest and dishonest. He doesn’t know why but at the same time he’s enjoying the feeling. That’s where the little smirk comes in. Mine and his. I also think he might be the only boy there. But I won’t let that spoil his fun and newfound ponderings.
later in the day, I catch him looking in the mirror.’’Dad, do you think I could be a model?’’ I reply’’Most definitely mate’’ after a moment of studying his reflection a bit longer, he says ‘’I can’t be a model dad’’
‘’why’’ I say. ‘’I’ve got two cowlicks in my hair. Models don’t have cowlicks’’.I turned on the water tap, ran the water through my fingers and patted down the offensive’ licks’’…..’’ There you go’’ I say ‘’Model’’.
He smiled……’You know, Your Dad’s done some modelling’’ I say whilst standing there admiring him admiring his de-licked hair. He then turns to me with a look of incredulity and disdain that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. Kids eh?
Here’s to you Charlton Valentine Williams. The very mention of your name makes my heart smile.
Charlies Dad
Namaste ❤️🙏
Just In the bedroom with Ayda ‘’When was I in London with you, was it last week?’’ She informed me it was 3 weeks ago.
So that means, I’ve been ‘’better than meh’’ for at least 3 weeks. -says to self-My mental health has been pretty sound for a whole 3 weeks. Woah.
im not counting chickens of course, But. What happens if im fixed? This is highly unlikely. But much like the fat comedian that worries if he loses weight, he won’t be as funny. What if all the negative thoughts and anxiety just went away?What if the social discomfort evaporates?Instead of that being a triumphant thought it kinda made me feel, well, Anxious ….Shit….Who will i be then? Now im thinking this is just the darkness trying to feed me lies to hold on to this mess. What if I love this fucked upness and im just delusional?
See how it gets ya?…Fucking hilarious…genuinely…
Anyway, I had an amazing 9th birthday day with my son Charlie. A day that’s as good as it gets. Simple
and beautiful. He says to me ‘’Dad all the girls at camp fancy me’’ and then feigning what he thinks I’ll buy as humility says ‘’don’t know why’’.The thing is he’s being honest and dishonest. He doesn’t know why but at the same time he’s enjoying the feeling. That’s where the little smirk comes in. Mine and his. I also think he might be the only boy there. But I won’t let that spoil his fun and newfound ponderings.
later in the day, I catch him looking in the mirror.’’Dad, do you think I could be a model?’’ I reply’’Most definitely mate’’ after a moment of studying his reflection a bit longer, he says ‘’I can’t be a model dad’’
‘’why’’ I say. ‘’I’ve got two cowlicks in my hair. Models don’t have cowlicks’’.I turned on the water tap, ran the water through my fingers and patted down the offensive’ licks’’…..’’ There you go’’ I say ‘’Model’’.
He smiled……’You know, Your Dad’s done some modelling’’ I say whilst standing there admiring him admiring his de-licked hair. He then turns to me with a look of incredulity and disdain that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. Kids eh?
Here’s to you Charlton Valentine Williams. The very mention of your name makes my heart smile.
Charlies Dad
Namaste ❤️🙏
An old friend sent me an email talking about ageing –
He’ll probably be in the comment section.I won’t break his anonymity.
This was my response,
Dude, We’re already several years past being lucky …. every day is a bonus …
I remember Jose Mourhino being asked after his first loss at home in 2 years .”What are you going to do tonight?’’
The interviewer Expecting a doom-and-gloom answer ‘’Im going to Open a bottle of champagne and celebrate our achievement’’
Now i don’t know if he meant it or not ..But I see that as a metaphor for our life.
Im not worried about the future. It’s amazing Im still here …
My memory being shit,my thoughts being cloudy, my back being full of arthritis,My eyesight going,My looks fading, the elasticity of my skin being fucked, the hair thinning….ect,ect,ect
Im still here ,were still here ….Still, so much to do ….
Im 50 next Feb ….Where age is concerned it’s my ‘’first loss at home’’ Im celebrating still being here…And there will be other games …
and if there isnt …pop open the champagne…what an achievment….Same for you…
Hahaha, you just gave me tomorrow’s Caption for my insta
Cheers
Love
Rob x
Namaste ❤️🙏
My documentary is about to come out. I’m realising I may have invested emotionally into something that will probably turn out to be fantasy.
Rather dramatically, I do admit. The other night I thought to myself ‘’Oh maybe I’ll be ‘’seen’’ for the first time’’. That’s another term I can’t stand, but for now I can’t think of another way to describe it. So I guess that’s why it’s so popular in the term world.
I’ve always been at the mercy of someone else’s or something else’s narrative. The who I am has also been misrepresented by me. Sometimes on purpose sometimes by mistake. Either way who I am ‘’Out there’’ is a bit of a shit show.
For example: Today’s encounter with a nice shop owner. I really liked him straight away. He felt pleasantly familiar and I guess I to him. As I left he said ‘’You are lovely in real life. I saw you do an interview for Swiss TV and I hated you’’ The ‘’hated you’’ was said with such passion too.
So, do I have a chance to be ‘’seen’’ for the first time? Yeah. Do I have more of a chance of being shat on? Well, historically that’s a big yes.
I didn’t know I had the need to be ‘’Seen’’ but I guess I do now. Apologies for using that word.And so many times.
All I wanted from the Doc at the start was for it to be Good. We’ve achieved it and may I say that is very little to do with me. Joe Pearlman-the director has Fucking rocked it. And I am very very very grateful that he chose to shine his particular genius in my direction. make a note of his name. He’s going to dominate for a very long time.
Everybody’s story is an epic. Mine no more than yours. It’s all in the telling.
Will I be seen or will I have some brand new grudges for my grudge rucksack?
We’ll find out very soon.
Norma Desmond
Namaste ❤️🙏
Put this in the file of ‘’Niche complications’’.
Like I wrote the other day, being out in public I try to make myself as small as possible. Stealth like a ninja. A ninja that needs you to not see him but if you do
then I’m a ninja that hopes you like how im dressed.
This extends to restaurants. A bar or a restaurant though with a piano player in them, is for me complicated. Because I know what’s coming next. Angels, feel or She’s the one. I totally understand that they are honouring me. Well, I hope they are.
But what it actually does is put the equivalent of a neon light over my head with an arrow saying ‘’DRUM ROLL.. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IN THE RESTAURANT TONIGHT MR…ROBBIE.. ‘ANGELS’.. WILLIAMS. AND IF YOU WOULD ALL LIKE TO STARE AT HIM. NOW’S YOUR CHANCE’’I literally have a mini panic attack.
Of course, out of everyone at my table im the first one to recognise the first few chords of these songs. It’s usually followed by quizzical looks from my friends as I freeze in fear and say ‘’Oh no oh no oh no’’ under my breath. My wife will be the second person to clue into what’s happening and then immediately will
start giggling. As she watches me and my struggle with the ground and its refusal to swallow me up. She then will rub my hand and say ‘’Its ok baby’’
As she continues to giggle. In all fairness it is funny.
Then I have to overcome my anxiety and at some point through the rendition look over and nod at the piano player. To let them know I appreciate their gesture. This is such a strange sensation because I really want to go.’’Please don’t.I beg you’’
It’d be a bit like Damien Hirst sitting at a table and someone bringing a painting over of some dots that they’d just nocked up. Or If David Beckham was in and a waiter decided to recreate his free-kick against Greece.
I know you’ll write in the comment section. They’re just trying to be nice. And believe me, I know they are. Bless em. But my anxiety seldom recovers from that moment on.
My Ego just checked in with me and said ‘’Come on Rob, If they did an album track you’d fucking love it ‘’.
And I think it’s right. Just not ‘’Me and my monkey’’It’s too long.
Williams Joel
Namaste ❤️🙏
*On board our flight yesterday
‘’Welcome onboard this Swiss Air flight to London ‘’ follwed by some information about the flight…. And then ‘’But for now relax and enjoy the service me and my colleagues have to offer’’ Then after a 2-second pause and for no reason at all he said ‘’I like it’’ all in a delightful French accent. The ‘’I like it’’ was said like someone who was experiencing joy from a second spoonful of a sensational desert. It made me smile.
I think he meant ‘’With our pleasure’’ but it just came out as ‘’I like it’’
In all fairness, they genuinely rocked the service. Top marks. 10/10 So who knows? When it comes to offering food and beverages to flying customers, He might just ‘’Like it’’.And why not?
I was genuinely grateful for their service. They were kind and attentive. To everybody, not just the middle-aged pop star and his wife.
My favourite airlines, not in any order are Etihad, Air New Zealand, Qantas, Swiss Air and Emirates.
I would like to personally thank Air New Zealand for looking after me and my family so well when they used to have a London to LA flight. You are missed. Even Poupette and Wally ask about you.😊
On so many flights though, You can’t half feel like ‘’The enemy’’.im yet to take a Delta Or AA flight where I haven’t felt ‘’In the way’’ And this is a record they both have held since 1993.
Oh, and I know that Cabin Crews like to have a good gossip about the famous faces they’ve had on board.
Just so you know, Those famous faces also like to gossip about you.😛
And you know what?
I like it
Richard Branston
Namaste 🙏❤️
Another plane story *
So when I get on a plane I try to make myself as small as possible. I don’t mean in height, I mean just in vibe and energy. The fewer people that recognise me the better. With Covid’s arrival, I now get to wear a mask, no one questions why or who is behind them. Just a guy being precautious. This works a treat. If I make it to my seat without causing a stir my anxiety levels drop dramatically.
Which had happened on this particular day that im about to tell you about.Way before Covid and masks.
So im sat in my seat proud of my stealth-like work. I can relax, Look at the film list the flight has on offer and eat the dried hot rubbery cashew nuts that are somewhat complimentary and somewhat just abandoned.
‘’Bing Bong, This is your captain speaking’’ Nothing odd here, We have a captain and he should speak. Good for him. ’’Welcome to the B.A flight, flying to’’ I forget where.
‘’Unfortunately’’ Our reassuringly confident captain continues ’’we have a bit of a delay, but hopefully it won’t take a MILLENIUM before taxiing off down the runway’’ My toes curl, Please god no. Please just let that be a coincidence.
‘’Then hopefully we’ll be amongst the ANGELS pretty soon’’ OH GOD NO, it’s not a coincidence, My penis curls, I sink so low and hard against my seat you would think I was trying to get inside it.
‘’ And as soon as we are just sit back and LET US ENTERTAIN YOU ’’ please make him stop!!!!!!!
My right hand now resting firmly across my eyebrows, my thumb digging into my temple and eyes more tightly closed than they’ve ever been. I can’t work out who im most embarrassed for him or me. I think he got a few more song titles in but by then I just started to hum and rock myself to soothe the cringe.
It felt like a Reiki fingering. No one touched me but I definitely felt something. Something I wouldn’t thank you for.
Emile Earhart.
Namaste ❤️🙏
‘’Sir, would you like some hypervigilance with your Edemame?’’
I play a fun game at restaurants that only I know im playing. I survey the tables on the way in. I clock who clocks me and I make
a calculated guess *usually with stunning accuracy* who’s gonna try and take a sneaky pic. Sometimes it’s an overwhelming
amount and im completely outgunned. But most of the time it’s 3 or 4 …
So, I sit down and in the next 5 minutes, people are gonna try and figure out how to take a pic without me catching them in the act. This is when my game is afoot.
Normally one will do the ‘’im just taking a photo of my friend’’ thing.Whilst aiming directly over their left-hand shoulder straight into my eye line. At this point, I will drop my tablecloth and spend a while picking it up. I reemerge to normal seating position to see them looking at the shot they have just taken with a quizzical expression on their face. Thinking they were just unlucky they wait for their opportunity to do it again. When they next raise their camera I will bury my head into Ayda’s neck making it look like we’re having an intimate moment. The best shot they will get is the side of a lady’s head and some dude’s shoulder. Once again I return to watch them out of the corner of my eye, Staring at their phone screen and beginning to get really frustrated. Next, I will pretend to cough into both hands, bow my head into said hands and pretend im scratching my scalp. They will then get a pic of some dude and the top of his head. This can go on and on. All the time they don’t know that I know. And they get more and more wound up.I can do this whilst holding a conversation with my friends and they are none the wiser. Of course, sometimes I lose this game and someone will get a perfect shot. But MOST of the time. I win.
If there are a lot of people taking shots I can end up being a bit like Neo from The Matrix. Then the game is to avoid the shot AND not make the people im with think im being weird. It’s a great game for someone who doesn’t like going out for food anyway. Restaurants are for grown-ups.
Jack Dawkins
namaste ❤️🙏
Carrying on with the theme that the last 3 weeks have been more than decent. I tried to rack my brain to figure out why. What am I doing differently? Food? drink? sleep?Fresh air? family? Then I realised I’ve started to take pills that boost your testosterone.
So they became ‘’the why’’
“I can really feel those pills working,babe’’ I say To my wife ..”Thats nice darling’ Ayda says remote in hand not looking away from Big Brother and its Evictions.She’s been down this road before.
At the time i didnt have a clue what they were called.Because of my newfound feeling-good- factor, Im intrigued to know more about this wonder drug.I would need, at least, to know its name.
I call Neil who sorts out my daily pill intake- ‘’Mate, what are those testosterone pills I’ve just started called?’’…’’ Oh yeah, you haven’t started them yet’’ Says Neil.
Well if they make me feel this good and im not even on them imagine how good I’ll feel when I am.
In other news, I found out today that Cows kill more people each year than sharks.Google it.
I didn’t even know they could swim.
Placebo Pete
Namaste ❤️🙏
Halloween💀👻🎃 -Ayda style. Who makes a prettier trophy wife?? @aydafieldwilliams vs. @robbiewilliams 🏆 What are you dressing up as tonight? Don’t forget to tag us in your pics! #shopayda #aydaactive #halloween #halloweencostume #glamhalloween London,UK
