These last weeks as I’ve pored over the news, articles, and clinical analysis, a few articles have shifted my perspective or illuminated this crisis in a new way. Amanda Ripley’s review of Peter Coleman’s “intractable conflict” was one such article. It reminded me how embattled we can become in opposition, a phenomenon I see in my office, on social media, and in global politics.
The response to the war in the Middle East is a tragic example, and the way we perpetuate it here online only entrenches us further. We need voices of mediation and unity today, more than ever.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but learning to navigate these friction-filled spaces can leave you more connected than before the conflict arose. It only takes one different choice to change a pattern.
Read more on @shon.faye’s key takeaways from my course “Turning Conflict Into Connection” in @voguemagazine article “5 Thing I Learned from Esther Perel’s New Course on Conflict and Relationships” and visit the link in my bio to check out the course for yourself.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but learning to navigate these friction-filled spaces can leave you more connected than before the conflict arose. It only takes one different choice to change a pattern.
Read more on @shon.faye’s key takeaways from my course “Turning Conflict Into Connection” in @voguemagazine article “5 Thing I Learned from Esther Perel’s New Course on Conflict and Relationships” and visit the link in my bio to check out the course for yourself.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but learning to navigate these friction-filled spaces can leave you more connected than before the conflict arose. It only takes one different choice to change a pattern.
Read more on @shon.faye’s key takeaways from my course “Turning Conflict Into Connection” in @voguemagazine article “5 Thing I Learned from Esther Perel’s New Course on Conflict and Relationships” and visit the link in my bio to check out the course for yourself.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but learning to navigate these friction-filled spaces can leave you more connected than before the conflict arose. It only takes one different choice to change a pattern.
Read more on @shon.faye’s key takeaways from my course “Turning Conflict Into Connection” in @voguemagazine article “5 Thing I Learned from Esther Perel’s New Course on Conflict and Relationships” and visit the link in my bio to check out the course for yourself.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but learning to navigate these friction-filled spaces can leave you more connected than before the conflict arose. It only takes one different choice to change a pattern.
Read more on @shon.faye’s key takeaways from my course “Turning Conflict Into Connection” in @voguemagazine article “5 Thing I Learned from Esther Perel’s New Course on Conflict and Relationships” and visit the link in my bio to check out the course for yourself.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but learning to navigate these friction-filled spaces can leave you more connected than before the conflict arose. It only takes one different choice to change a pattern.
Read more on @shon.faye’s key takeaways from my course “Turning Conflict Into Connection” in @voguemagazine article “5 Thing I Learned from Esther Perel’s New Course on Conflict and Relationships” and visit the link in my bio to check out the course for yourself.
I’ve spent much of the past two weeks watching, listening, and having difficult conversations—my attention locked on the horror that is taking place in the Middle East and the waves of fear and hatred reverberating across the world. As I’ve mentioned many times before, my parents were survivors of the Nazi concentration camps and sole survivors of their respective families. Like many of you, trauma was woven into the fabric of my family history. Today, an entire history of intergenerational trauma lies awake inside of me and I know I am not alone in experiencing that.
My inbox during these days has been inundated with demands and pleas, for me to “speak out”, “say more”, “take a stance.” But after my previous post, I felt compelled to take a moment. Not because I had nothing to say but because I needed time to process, to gather my thoughts, to ensure that my anger, frustration, and fear don’t speak for me. This isn’t just another headline or a distant crisis; it hits close to home in a way that words can scarcely convey. And this moment of reflection has allowed me to honor the depth of the pain and resilience that runs through my family’s history and through the family history of many others, on all sides. I needed a moment to connect with the shared human experience that binds us all.
Across our feeds, I see intense polarization. I see rage that is drowning out the fear. I see a focus on making a point rather than making a difference. The words we use emphasize our differences and pull us apart, but the feelings we hold highlight the similarities of our experiences. The grief, the fear, the heartbreak are universal.
In these last weeks, one thing has become clear, something crucial is missing—a sincere and compassionate acknowledgment of one another’s experiences. At this moment, we need compassion, curiosity, and empathy to stay connected, not only with the humanity of others, but with our own humanity. If we don’t find a way to truly listen to each other, acknowledge the collective pain, and stay connected, trauma will continue to be woven into the fabric of generations to come.
Sharing stories, needs, desires, or grievances— there’s a powerful connection in the balance between speaking thoughtfully and listening intently. Click the link in my bio for a refresher on the Six Essential Practices to enhance your listening skills in relationships.
Over the last six months, my focus has been on the intricacies of conflict, specifically the diminishing capacity to manage it effectively, and how avoidance has become a prevalent response for many of us.
It can be challenging to distinguish between conflict that is productive, useful, and restorative and conflict that is destructive, useless, and harmful. Whether you or single or in a relationship, navigating conflict can be challenging.
However, it is possible to turn conflict into connection. It takes empathy and grace, hard work and learning new skills. And it takes a bit of bravery. To explore this topic further, read this month’s newsletter through the link in my bio.
Who doesn’t know the feeling of wanting to be hugged by the very person we sometimes can’t stand to be in the same room with? Instead of turning toward one another, we often find ourselves tending to our wounds alone—and missing the chance to deepen our relationships.
I often have to remind my clients that experiencing conflict in their relationship—whether it looks like a silent emotional standoff, a huge blowout fight, or something in between—isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are plenty of strong yet volatile couples out there. Conflict is often a signal pointing us toward something else: a lack of trust or closeness, a boundary or dynamic that isn’t working, or feelings of anger, disappointment, or hurt.
Whatever your situation may be, my new course, “Turning Conflict Into Connection” can help you lean in and find connection with your partner even when you disagree. Inside, I’ll take you through a series of short videos and exercises to teach you what causes conflict, how you can better understand your responses (and your partner’s), and skills and frameworks you can start using right away to find peace in your relationship even when you and your partner disagree.
And because it only takes one different choice to change a pattern, you can take this course with or without a partner and still experience all the benefits. You’ll learn new ways to navigate conflict more effectively and gain the relational skills it takes to build more resilient relationships in the long term.
Learn more about my new course by visiting the link in my bio. I’m excited to have you join me on this journey from Conflict to Connection.
Who doesn’t know the feeling of wanting to be hugged by the very person we sometimes can’t stand to be in the same room with? Instead of turning toward one another, we often find ourselves tending to our wounds alone—and missing the chance to deepen our relationships.
I often have to remind my clients that experiencing conflict in their relationship—whether it looks like a silent emotional standoff, a huge blowout fight, or something in between—isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are plenty of strong yet volatile couples out there. Conflict is often a signal pointing us toward something else: a lack of trust or closeness, a boundary or dynamic that isn’t working, or feelings of anger, disappointment, or hurt.
Whatever your situation may be, my new course, “Turning Conflict Into Connection” can help you lean in and find connection with your partner even when you disagree. Inside, I’ll take you through a series of short videos and exercises to teach you what causes conflict, how you can better understand your responses (and your partner’s), and skills and frameworks you can start using right away to find peace in your relationship even when you and your partner disagree.
And because it only takes one different choice to change a pattern, you can take this course with or without a partner and still experience all the benefits. You’ll learn new ways to navigate conflict more effectively and gain the relational skills it takes to build more resilient relationships in the long term.
Learn more about my new course by visiting the link in my bio. I’m excited to have you join me on this journey from Conflict to Connection.
Who doesn’t know the feeling of wanting to be hugged by the very person we sometimes can’t stand to be in the same room with? Instead of turning toward one another, we often find ourselves tending to our wounds alone—and missing the chance to deepen our relationships.
I often have to remind my clients that experiencing conflict in their relationship—whether it looks like a silent emotional standoff, a huge blowout fight, or something in between—isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are plenty of strong yet volatile couples out there. Conflict is often a signal pointing us toward something else: a lack of trust or closeness, a boundary or dynamic that isn’t working, or feelings of anger, disappointment, or hurt.
Whatever your situation may be, my new course, “Turning Conflict Into Connection” can help you lean in and find connection with your partner even when you disagree. Inside, I’ll take you through a series of short videos and exercises to teach you what causes conflict, how you can better understand your responses (and your partner’s), and skills and frameworks you can start using right away to find peace in your relationship even when you and your partner disagree.
And because it only takes one different choice to change a pattern, you can take this course with or without a partner and still experience all the benefits. You’ll learn new ways to navigate conflict more effectively and gain the relational skills it takes to build more resilient relationships in the long term.
Learn more about my new course by visiting the link in my bio. I’m excited to have you join me on this journey from Conflict to Connection.
Who doesn’t know the feeling of wanting to be hugged by the very person we sometimes can’t stand to be in the same room with? Instead of turning toward one another, we often find ourselves tending to our wounds alone—and missing the chance to deepen our relationships.
I often have to remind my clients that experiencing conflict in their relationship—whether it looks like a silent emotional standoff, a huge blowout fight, or something in between—isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are plenty of strong yet volatile couples out there. Conflict is often a signal pointing us toward something else: a lack of trust or closeness, a boundary or dynamic that isn’t working, or feelings of anger, disappointment, or hurt.
Whatever your situation may be, my new course, “Turning Conflict Into Connection” can help you lean in and find connection with your partner even when you disagree. Inside, I’ll take you through a series of short videos and exercises to teach you what causes conflict, how you can better understand your responses (and your partner’s), and skills and frameworks you can start using right away to find peace in your relationship even when you and your partner disagree.
And because it only takes one different choice to change a pattern, you can take this course with or without a partner and still experience all the benefits. You’ll learn new ways to navigate conflict more effectively and gain the relational skills it takes to build more resilient relationships in the long term.
Learn more about my new course by visiting the link in my bio. I’m excited to have you join me on this journey from Conflict to Connection.
Who doesn’t know the feeling of wanting to be hugged by the very person we sometimes can’t stand to be in the same room with? Instead of turning toward one another, we often find ourselves tending to our wounds alone—and missing the chance to deepen our relationships.
I often have to remind my clients that experiencing conflict in their relationship—whether it looks like a silent emotional standoff, a huge blowout fight, or something in between—isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are plenty of strong yet volatile couples out there. Conflict is often a signal pointing us toward something else: a lack of trust or closeness, a boundary or dynamic that isn’t working, or feelings of anger, disappointment, or hurt.
Whatever your situation may be, my new course, “Turning Conflict Into Connection” can help you lean in and find connection with your partner even when you disagree. Inside, I’ll take you through a series of short videos and exercises to teach you what causes conflict, how you can better understand your responses (and your partner’s), and skills and frameworks you can start using right away to find peace in your relationship even when you and your partner disagree.
And because it only takes one different choice to change a pattern, you can take this course with or without a partner and still experience all the benefits. You’ll learn new ways to navigate conflict more effectively and gain the relational skills it takes to build more resilient relationships in the long term.
Learn more about my new course by visiting the link in my bio. I’m excited to have you join me on this journey from Conflict to Connection.
Couples polarize around all kinds of values. Should we spend the holidays with your parents or mine? If we share finances, do we need to ask permission for personal spending? I’m used to hearing these stories in my office. But the clashes around social values within couples, families, colleagues, and friends have taken on a fresh pitch.
Long-standing patterns in our relationships come to a head in these arguments. If you listen closely to a screaming couple, you will hear feelings around respect, recognition, control, trust, care, and power. Too often, clashing couples focus only on the surface. That can leave us feeling that, not only are we living in a world that’s gone mad, we’re living with a person we no longer recognize.
Modern romance doesn’t pay much attention to “values clarification” until there is “values crisis.” But it doesn’t mean we have to stay in crisis mode. My advice to couples at a crossroads over issues rooted in values is this: step away from the content of the argument for a moment and consider the form. Swipe through for eight more pieces of advice, and for a deeper dive into the topic, check out the newsletter link in my bio.
“Trust… We all know when we feel it, and we all know when we don’t. But what is it?” – @estherperelofficial
Give the gift of connection to someone you love this holiday season. Buy one membership, gift one free. Only $10/month, billed annually. Terms apply.
There are many ways in which we are collectively and individually processing the war in Israel and Gaza. Social Media is just one of them, but what happens on these platforms has an outsized influence and corrosive impact on how we experience the events of the world.
In this month’s newsletter, I focus on getting out of short-form posts and into long-form correspondences—with friends, family members, and strangers of all backgrounds. I’ve been reaching out to Israeli and Jewish friends from around the globe, Palestinian and Arab friends, and more. Despite all that is splitting us, we are trying to really see each other and connect through our humanity. We are trying to root ourselves in our relationships.
The reality of our situations is very different. Nonetheless, we talk about grief and how our feelings and opinions aren’t binary. We talk about trauma, crimes against humanity, the right to safety and dignity, and the urgent need for bilateral peace efforts. We talk about our loved ones, friends of friends, and strangers who are experiencing the hell of war on the ground—and how we are trying to help them.
It is difficult but one thing I know: We are not turning away from this conflict, we are turning toward each other. As Peter Levine says, “Trauma is what we hold inside in the absence of an empathic witness.” Link in my bio to read more from this month’s newsletter.
Tune into an unforgettable episode from the first season of “Where Should We Begin?” titled “Tell Me I’m Not Alone” as we reflect on the raw emotions and resilience of love in the face of betrayal. The journey from pain to forgiveness is never easy, but it’s a testament to the strength of this young family’s commitment. In this episode, we explore the complexities of reconciliation and trust, one year after the storm.
Listen to the full episode through the link in my bio.
An exclusive episode of “Where Should We Begin?” featuring the incomparable @iraglass is now live on Apple Podcasts subscription!
Join us as we dive deep into Ira’s extraordinary journey, exploring his personal life and career like never before. From asking the toughest questions to countless guests over the years to now asking one important question to himself, “Is this It?”
Tune in through the link in my bio for an episode that is full of introspection and storytelling.
An exclusive episode of “Where Should We Begin?” featuring the incomparable @iraglass is now live on Apple Podcasts subscription!
Join us as we dive deep into Ira’s extraordinary journey, exploring his personal life and career like never before. From asking the toughest questions to countless guests over the years to now asking one important question to himself, “Is this It?”
Tune in through the link in my bio for an episode that is full of introspection and storytelling.
Join me on November 4th for my annual training conference, Sessions Live, where we’ll dive into the heart of conflict and restlessness in modern love. We’ll explore the big questions:
“Should I stay or should I go?”
“How did we get here?”
“Why do we get stuck in the same fight over and over?”
“Will this ever get better?”
Building on the success of last year’s innovative format, I’ve invited some of my most trusted colleagues to give me live feedback of my work and discuss what they may have done differently if presented with the same clients and issues.
This year’s Sessions Live offers an exciting twist. Not only will I receive live feedback; I will be giving it too! With consent from her clients, Dr. Malika Bhowmik, a valued collaborator and excellent clinical psychologist, will present a recording of one of her real-life therapy sessions. This time, I’ll be in the supervision seat, highlighting her most effective strategies as well as suggesting alternative interventions.
I am so pleased to welcome back Zach Taylor, Director of Psychotherapy Networker, to be our host yet again.
Come as a curious learner and leave energized and emboldened with new perspectives to bring back to your own office. Tickets are available now through the link in my bio.
‘Tis the season!
After a whirlwind year of jam-packed schedules, never-ending to-do lists, and chasing personal and professional dreams, it’s time to hit the brakes and soak in the holiday spirit. It’s that magical time of year when we press pause, reminisce about the months gone by, and gather with loved ones to celebrate.
For many of us, it’s a rare chance to catch up with those we hold close or those we haven’t seen in a while. And, let’s be real, we’re bracing ourselves for the usual barrage of questions:
“How’ve you been?”
“Work treating you well?”
“Any special someone in your life?”
“When are you going to start a family of your own?
You know the drill — the list goes on. This year, let’s aim to ask better questions. Let’s remove the mundane and dive into more interesting conversations. It’s not always an easy task, but through question prompts, my card game Where Should We Begin: A Game of Stories will guide you to go deeper, to share laughter, shed a tear, maybe reveal secrets, play, and most importantly, connect.
Click the link in my bio to shop the game for the holidays, and give the gift of connection.
To ensure your game arrives by Christmas, place your international orders on my website by midnight ET tonight. Where Should We Begin: A Game of Stories is also available on Amazon.com with international shipping to most countries. Holiday shipping deadlines may vary based on location.
Announcing the return of Sessions Live—my annual online conference curated exclusively for therapists, coaches, and mental health professionals.
This year, we’re focusing on the most universal experiences in relationships of all kinds, and that is CONFLICT, a topic that comes through my therapy office daily.
On Saturday November 4th at 12pm EST, we will explore these interpersonal frictions as we dive deep into the heart of a real couples therapy session and explore a thought-provoking case study that delves into the essence of conflict.
Get ready for an intimate look into my world—both as a therapist and as a supervisor. The dynamic exchanges will ignite your passion and empower you to explore innovative perspectives and interventions that you can incorporate into your own practice. Secure your spot today with an exclusive discounted rate on all early bird tickets until October 5th.
I look forward to having you join me in this immersive journey into the heart of modern therapy.
