Sarah Carter Instagram – After addressing motherhood as it relates to my career over and over again in conversation, I found author Lauren Groff’s rejection of it to be a sort of awakening and I, too, have always challenged the assumption that motherhood is a sacrifice and work is something I carry guilt around.
Being a mother is deeply fulfilling. Work is, too. I love her insistence that it be a separate conversation from career and that fathers should be included in the expectation and notion that work/life balance challenges will inevitably come with parenting.
“… it was a truth that mothers, having already lost their liberty when they bore children, having been tethered to the earth with this new soft tender body they must now protect forever, were the ones who understood the delicate balance between the price of freedom and the price of their children’s lives.
I think that, in our society, the idea of motherhood is pathologically ill, and even well-meaning people assume martyrdom in a mother. Guilt and shame are the tools used to keep people in line; the questions I get most at readings or in interviews are about being a mother and writer, when I’m expected to do this this sort of tap dance of humility that I have no desire or ability to dance.
I think people are mostly kind and don’t know that, when they ask these questions of women, they are asking us to perform a kind of ceremonial subjection—that we’re not allowed our achievements without first denigrating ourselves or saying, with a sigh, “Yes, that’s correct, I’m a writer and a mother, and it’s so hard, and, no, I don’t do it well.” The truth is, doing these things is hard because being a good parent is always hard, but the difficulty of parenting is separate from the difficulty of work.”
Messed-up collective assumptions about gender dynamics help explain why women in the US still do about twice the childcare and housework that men do—an imbalance that’s reflected globally. Groff’s refusal to play the role of the harried and guilty working mother is not just refreshing. It’s a significant step toward undoing those assumptions. | Posted on 20/Jan/2024 01:59:43
