Missing my little mischief-maker @digaeta. 🥹💕🐰 📸: @ryanessmaker
Missing my little mischief-maker @digaeta. 🥹💕🐰 📸: @ryanessmaker
Startin’ to feel a little bit lucky, idk… 📸: @ryanessmaker
So grateful to @eskwarczynski for having me on the @preacherboysdoc podcast to talk #purityculture, #religioustrauma, and finding healing through embracing my sensuality. I’ve shared before in stories how I know my path to healing is very much not everyone’s—to me, this is obvious and needn’t even be said. But I’ve heard numerous times from women that I am “promoting unhealthy healing methods” and implying that I think the only way to heal from s*xual shame is to do so the way I did. No! No, no, no, pleeeease no. So, for the record that is the feed lol, let me be clear: Heal your own way. Don’t judge others for healing their way. What helps one hurts another, and what hurts one person can be healing to someone else. We are all so very different. This is okay. 🤍🤍🤍 #exevangelical #exvangelical #purityculturedropout #purityculturesurvivor #healing #religioustraumasyndrome #exChristian
This one goes out to all the small-busted girlies! @WearPepper has your 🍒! #ittybittycommittee #ittybittytittycomittee #ittybittytitty #wearpepper 📷: @ryanessmaker
That one time I swam in a blur of #otters at @nurturedbynatureotters! #🦦 A visit to this animal sanctuary near San Diego makes one of the most memorable #dateideas, #birthdaygifts, and #bucketlistadventures! Not only do they have otters—they have #capybaras, kangaroos, wild cats, and so many other critters, too! If you or someone you love is an a#animallover looking for a once-in-a-lifetime splurge, go here!! (#notanadjustafan!)
When I engage in private dialogue about topics like what I posted yesterday, people often express surprise that I am pro-#socialjustice. I feel hurt and baffled by their surprise until I remember that most people don’t read words carefully. Many project their own assumptions, hearsay, and fill in my blanks with what they expect from people who might say things similar to what I say, rather than taking in my words alone. I am pro-LGBTQ rights. I am pro-women’s rights. I am pro-racial equality. “But why don’t you post more about those?” Because I’ve learned the hard way that when I share pics of my friends who are LGBTQ and POC, they get dragged into the misperception many have of me that I am “tokenizing” them, “using” them, and that they are “blind to my obvious racism and bigotry.” This is cruel beyond words and so false I almost can’t bear addressing it. So no, you won’t see me sharing pics of the diversity within my life because the social justice activists who react to it are exactly the reason I leave my loved ones out of their box-ticking morality tests. Because many have made up their minds about me, I am often accused of virtue signaling or attempting to backpedal whenever I do post about a cause that is perceived as more progressive, Left, and liberal. I know my motives. ❤️❤️❤️
Swipe! 👉🏼 I highlight the toxic parallels of #religion and #socialjusticeculture so we can recognize and help prevent abuse within each. Both have positive goals. My advocacy lies in helping people recover from the damage of good intentions. I’ve found healing seeing different ways #fundamentalism presents, whether faith-based or #secular. As more people are shunned and shamed by secular purity culture, there’s a growing need for their support, just as there is for those shunned by religious purity culture. I aim not to complain without offering solutions, not to criticize without suggesting alternatives, and not to be anti- without stating what I am pro-. I am anti-shaming, anti-shunning, and anti-public humiliation. I am pro-curiosity, pro-vulnerability, and pro-private conversations. I am also pro-diversity—diversity of approaches to reaching the same goals. If public call-outs and shunning align with your integrity, go for it. What aligns with my integrity is pointing out how this often backfires and worsens the very problems being called out. It is not the GOALS of #socialjustice culture I object to—it is their METHODS I am in deep disagreement with. I share the goals of safety, inclusion, and love. I reject the methods of public humiliation, disfellowship, and Behavior Information Thought & Emotional (BITE) Control. How can we expect people to change when we cut them off from what we hope they’ll change toward? When we bar people’s ability to be in community with others who hold different perspectives, we deprive them of the wisdom and growth that comes with time. My Christian fundamentalist mind changed because my secular friends accepted me. It took years. Instead of giving up on people who commit #wrongthink, invite them further in. This may not be helpful in every instance. But too often I see calls for “keeping spaces safe” by shunning former members and maligning their character rather than showing, not preaching, what inclusion and diversity look like. Or were these always skin-deep? Curiosity > condemnation. Understanding > vilification. Compassion > bigotry. Disagreement > disfellowship. Image credit to @NakedPastor and @CultExpert
Swipe! 👉🏼 I highlight the toxic parallels of #religion and #socialjusticeculture so we can recognize and help prevent abuse within each. Both have positive goals. My advocacy lies in helping people recover from the damage of good intentions. I’ve found healing seeing different ways #fundamentalism presents, whether faith-based or #secular. As more people are shunned and shamed by secular purity culture, there’s a growing need for their support, just as there is for those shunned by religious purity culture. I aim not to complain without offering solutions, not to criticize without suggesting alternatives, and not to be anti- without stating what I am pro-. I am anti-shaming, anti-shunning, and anti-public humiliation. I am pro-curiosity, pro-vulnerability, and pro-private conversations. I am also pro-diversity—diversity of approaches to reaching the same goals. If public call-outs and shunning align with your integrity, go for it. What aligns with my integrity is pointing out how this often backfires and worsens the very problems being called out. It is not the GOALS of #socialjustice culture I object to—it is their METHODS I am in deep disagreement with. I share the goals of safety, inclusion, and love. I reject the methods of public humiliation, disfellowship, and Behavior Information Thought & Emotional (BITE) Control. How can we expect people to change when we cut them off from what we hope they’ll change toward? When we bar people’s ability to be in community with others who hold different perspectives, we deprive them of the wisdom and growth that comes with time. My Christian fundamentalist mind changed because my secular friends accepted me. It took years. Instead of giving up on people who commit #wrongthink, invite them further in. This may not be helpful in every instance. But too often I see calls for “keeping spaces safe” by shunning former members and maligning their character rather than showing, not preaching, what inclusion and diversity look like. Or were these always skin-deep? Curiosity > condemnation. Understanding > vilification. Compassion > bigotry. Disagreement > disfellowship. Image credit to @NakedPastor and @CultExpert
Swipe! 👉🏼 I highlight the toxic parallels of #religion and #socialjusticeculture so we can recognize and help prevent abuse within each. Both have positive goals. My advocacy lies in helping people recover from the damage of good intentions. I’ve found healing seeing different ways #fundamentalism presents, whether faith-based or #secular. As more people are shunned and shamed by secular purity culture, there’s a growing need for their support, just as there is for those shunned by religious purity culture. I aim not to complain without offering solutions, not to criticize without suggesting alternatives, and not to be anti- without stating what I am pro-. I am anti-shaming, anti-shunning, and anti-public humiliation. I am pro-curiosity, pro-vulnerability, and pro-private conversations. I am also pro-diversity—diversity of approaches to reaching the same goals. If public call-outs and shunning align with your integrity, go for it. What aligns with my integrity is pointing out how this often backfires and worsens the very problems being called out. It is not the GOALS of #socialjustice culture I object to—it is their METHODS I am in deep disagreement with. I share the goals of safety, inclusion, and love. I reject the methods of public humiliation, disfellowship, and Behavior Information Thought & Emotional (BITE) Control. How can we expect people to change when we cut them off from what we hope they’ll change toward? When we bar people’s ability to be in community with others who hold different perspectives, we deprive them of the wisdom and growth that comes with time. My Christian fundamentalist mind changed because my secular friends accepted me. It took years. Instead of giving up on people who commit #wrongthink, invite them further in. This may not be helpful in every instance. But too often I see calls for “keeping spaces safe” by shunning former members and maligning their character rather than showing, not preaching, what inclusion and diversity look like. Or were these always skin-deep? Curiosity > condemnation. Understanding > vilification. Compassion > bigotry. Disagreement > disfellowship. Image credit to @NakedPastor and @CultExpert
Swipe! 👉🏼 I highlight the toxic parallels of #religion and #socialjusticeculture so we can recognize and help prevent abuse within each. Both have positive goals. My advocacy lies in helping people recover from the damage of good intentions. I’ve found healing seeing different ways #fundamentalism presents, whether faith-based or #secular. As more people are shunned and shamed by secular purity culture, there’s a growing need for their support, just as there is for those shunned by religious purity culture. I aim not to complain without offering solutions, not to criticize without suggesting alternatives, and not to be anti- without stating what I am pro-. I am anti-shaming, anti-shunning, and anti-public humiliation. I am pro-curiosity, pro-vulnerability, and pro-private conversations. I am also pro-diversity—diversity of approaches to reaching the same goals. If public call-outs and shunning align with your integrity, go for it. What aligns with my integrity is pointing out how this often backfires and worsens the very problems being called out. It is not the GOALS of #socialjustice culture I object to—it is their METHODS I am in deep disagreement with. I share the goals of safety, inclusion, and love. I reject the methods of public humiliation, disfellowship, and Behavior Information Thought & Emotional (BITE) Control. How can we expect people to change when we cut them off from what we hope they’ll change toward? When we bar people’s ability to be in community with others who hold different perspectives, we deprive them of the wisdom and growth that comes with time. My Christian fundamentalist mind changed because my secular friends accepted me. It took years. Instead of giving up on people who commit #wrongthink, invite them further in. This may not be helpful in every instance. But too often I see calls for “keeping spaces safe” by shunning former members and maligning their character rather than showing, not preaching, what inclusion and diversity look like. Or were these always skin-deep? Curiosity > condemnation. Understanding > vilification. Compassion > bigotry. Disagreement > disfellowship. Image credit to @NakedPastor and @CultExpert
Swipe! 👉🏼 I highlight the toxic parallels of #religion and #socialjusticeculture so we can recognize and help prevent abuse within each. Both have positive goals. My advocacy lies in helping people recover from the damage of good intentions. I’ve found healing seeing different ways #fundamentalism presents, whether faith-based or #secular. As more people are shunned and shamed by secular purity culture, there’s a growing need for their support, just as there is for those shunned by religious purity culture. I aim not to complain without offering solutions, not to criticize without suggesting alternatives, and not to be anti- without stating what I am pro-. I am anti-shaming, anti-shunning, and anti-public humiliation. I am pro-curiosity, pro-vulnerability, and pro-private conversations. I am also pro-diversity—diversity of approaches to reaching the same goals. If public call-outs and shunning align with your integrity, go for it. What aligns with my integrity is pointing out how this often backfires and worsens the very problems being called out. It is not the GOALS of #socialjustice culture I object to—it is their METHODS I am in deep disagreement with. I share the goals of safety, inclusion, and love. I reject the methods of public humiliation, disfellowship, and Behavior Information Thought & Emotional (BITE) Control. How can we expect people to change when we cut them off from what we hope they’ll change toward? When we bar people’s ability to be in community with others who hold different perspectives, we deprive them of the wisdom and growth that comes with time. My Christian fundamentalist mind changed because my secular friends accepted me. It took years. Instead of giving up on people who commit #wrongthink, invite them further in. This may not be helpful in every instance. But too often I see calls for “keeping spaces safe” by shunning former members and maligning their character rather than showing, not preaching, what inclusion and diversity look like. Or were these always skin-deep? Curiosity > condemnation. Understanding > vilification. Compassion > bigotry. Disagreement > disfellowship. Image credit to @NakedPastor and @CultExpert
Swipe! 👉🏼 I highlight the toxic parallels of #religion and #socialjusticeculture so we can recognize and help prevent abuse within each. Both have positive goals. My advocacy lies in helping people recover from the damage of good intentions. I’ve found healing seeing different ways #fundamentalism presents, whether faith-based or #secular. As more people are shunned and shamed by secular purity culture, there’s a growing need for their support, just as there is for those shunned by religious purity culture. I aim not to complain without offering solutions, not to criticize without suggesting alternatives, and not to be anti- without stating what I am pro-. I am anti-shaming, anti-shunning, and anti-public humiliation. I am pro-curiosity, pro-vulnerability, and pro-private conversations. I am also pro-diversity—diversity of approaches to reaching the same goals. If public call-outs and shunning align with your integrity, go for it. What aligns with my integrity is pointing out how this often backfires and worsens the very problems being called out. It is not the GOALS of #socialjustice culture I object to—it is their METHODS I am in deep disagreement with. I share the goals of safety, inclusion, and love. I reject the methods of public humiliation, disfellowship, and Behavior Information Thought & Emotional (BITE) Control. How can we expect people to change when we cut them off from what we hope they’ll change toward? When we bar people’s ability to be in community with others who hold different perspectives, we deprive them of the wisdom and growth that comes with time. My Christian fundamentalist mind changed because my secular friends accepted me. It took years. Instead of giving up on people who commit #wrongthink, invite them further in. This may not be helpful in every instance. But too often I see calls for “keeping spaces safe” by shunning former members and maligning their character rather than showing, not preaching, what inclusion and diversity look like. Or were these always skin-deep? Curiosity > condemnation. Understanding > vilification. Compassion > bigotry. Disagreement > disfellowship. Image credit to @NakedPastor and @CultExpert
Men, do you like when a woman splits or picks up the tab? Some men insist on paying for a #firstdate and say they’re #gentlemen who would never expect me to owe them anything. Sir, do you know how many times I’ve heard that? Let her split or pick up the tab if she wants to! 💸 And ladies! #Stopplayin! Mean what you say and stop testing men by faux-offering to pay. When you don’t say what you mean, you fuck it up for the rest of us who are genuine when we say #yesmeansyes—*and* you contribute to the double-message ambiguity that leaves many men second-guessing whether #nomeansno. 💕 #datingadvice #datingadviceformen #datingadviceforwomen #chivalry #feminism
It was my baby Boone’s 5th birthday yesterday! 🎂 Gonna spoil him with extra 🍗 Temptations!! He’s truly the goodest boy, always giving cuddles and biscuits to whomever will let him on their chest. (He still thinks he’s kitten-sized and not a nearly 20-pound #MaineCoon!) As his #catdad @ryanessmaker says, Boone’s a lover, not a fighter. And he’s the sweetest, most extroverted, most generous kitty I’ve ever known! 🥹 Where does the time go? #BoonetheBest #BoonetheMaineCoon
I love women. So fucking much. 💕 #HappyInternationalWomensDay to every single one of us!! I’m so grateful to be a woman in this space and time, and I’m so passionate about advocating for all women globally to find freedom from oppression, suppression, and shame! 💗 We are all incredible and I’m especially grateful to have so many brilliant, smart, and diverse ladies in my life, from family to friends to internet pals (which totally count as friends, in my opinion!)! Treat yourselves to something special today, if you can. 💖 P.S. Today, my *real* thank-you to women is in my stories. 😭💕
Sun-dipped and chapped-lipped! 🌞👄 What’re some of your favorite lip moisturizers? My perioral dermatitis can’t handle fun flavors like my beloved middle school era Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker. 😞 I’ve been using Aquaphor for years but would love to try something new, natural-leaning, and I don’t mind tinted! #chapstick #needed #perioraldermatitis
Still one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite albums. #BullettheBlueSky #U2 #JoshuaTree 📸: @rjh3photo
New blog post! I have also met the D*M*T* aliens. 😂👽 Furthermore, I’ve communicated with The Swirls. IYKYK. While some people, like this post (swipe!) from @doubleblindmag points out, interpret the consistencies of D*M*T* trips as affirmation that users are “tapping into” a real realm, writer and neuroscientist @tipado offers us another way of looking at it. His curiosity makes me feel seen, as I hope my writing makes other people feel seen. One of my greatest joys, and one of my deepest senses of purpose, is to demystify the mystical. I understand why it can feel like unkind or embittered hole-poking to others. That’s an unfortunate ramification I am still learning to try and fine-tune yet…it also isn’t my responsibility how others interpret my words—nor my omissions. I seem to have unsettled many who have gotten used to me critiquing religion but are unused to me critiquing spirituality. My critiques of both are nothing new. I’ve been blogging publicly about these topics since 2009. I recently told a friend that I often spend around 1,000 words of any blog post attempting to cushion what I really mean to say with disclaimers and other digestives that I hope might appease those who can’t (or won’t) as readily understand my perspective. I’m trying to do less of that, for it’s starting to feel like apologizing for my truth. Others, especially spiritual people, so rarely apologize for theirs, nor do I see them cushioning their broad statements about souls and the like to the soulless like me. Why am I trying so hard not to offend those who may never understand, nor have compassion for, my soulless worldview? Especially because I know my view is needed. 🥰 👉🏼 Link in bio to #Unaccountable, my blog on Substack that’s totally free to read! I wrote this piece to have as a reference for when I unintentionally hurt spiritual people with my scientific inquiries. In short: My motives are love, just like theirs. Read it in full. #atheist #atheistsofinstagram #secularspirituality #spirituality #psychadelic #psychadelictherapy #religioustrauma
New blog post! I have also met the D*M*T* aliens. 😂👽 Furthermore, I’ve communicated with The Swirls. IYKYK. While some people, like this post (swipe!) from @doubleblindmag points out, interpret the consistencies of D*M*T* trips as affirmation that users are “tapping into” a real realm, writer and neuroscientist @tipado offers us another way of looking at it. His curiosity makes me feel seen, as I hope my writing makes other people feel seen. One of my greatest joys, and one of my deepest senses of purpose, is to demystify the mystical. I understand why it can feel like unkind or embittered hole-poking to others. That’s an unfortunate ramification I am still learning to try and fine-tune yet…it also isn’t my responsibility how others interpret my words—nor my omissions. I seem to have unsettled many who have gotten used to me critiquing religion but are unused to me critiquing spirituality. My critiques of both are nothing new. I’ve been blogging publicly about these topics since 2009. I recently told a friend that I often spend around 1,000 words of any blog post attempting to cushion what I really mean to say with disclaimers and other digestives that I hope might appease those who can’t (or won’t) as readily understand my perspective. I’m trying to do less of that, for it’s starting to feel like apologizing for my truth. Others, especially spiritual people, so rarely apologize for theirs, nor do I see them cushioning their broad statements about souls and the like to the soulless like me. Why am I trying so hard not to offend those who may never understand, nor have compassion for, my soulless worldview? Especially because I know my view is needed. 🥰 👉🏼 Link in bio to #Unaccountable, my blog on Substack that’s totally free to read! I wrote this piece to have as a reference for when I unintentionally hurt spiritual people with my scientific inquiries. In short: My motives are love, just like theirs. Read it in full. #atheist #atheistsofinstagram #secularspirituality #spirituality #psychadelic #psychadelictherapy #religioustrauma
Random notes from my notes: 💛 I can’t learn from you if you block me. 💙 Create more than you consume. 🤍 Glamour and debauchery. I can’t remember what that last one was for! 😂 Maybe a blog post idea? I was probably high, lol. Do you ever just write down random one-liners? What are some of yours?
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Hot girl winter = @Skims @Schiaparelli! 💋 #VintageSchiaparelli, of course. I’ve been looking for the perfect heirloom Schiaparelli piece for years and I finally have her in my closet!! All the way from the 1950s and in minty condition!! #ElsaSchiaparelli didn’t start her career until her late-30s. She had no formal training and a smattering of failed business ventures, but her intuitive knack for knowing how to drape and mold fabric, metal, and boning, combined with an edgy flair for avant garde surrealism, made her works of wearable art as iconic in the Art Deco era as her line continues to be today. Don’t give up. Your best, most brilliant ideas may still be yet to come! 📸: @rjh3photo
Hot girl winter = @Skims @Schiaparelli! 💋 #VintageSchiaparelli, of course. I’ve been looking for the perfect heirloom Schiaparelli piece for years and I finally have her in my closet!! All the way from the 1950s and in minty condition!! #ElsaSchiaparelli didn’t start her career until her late-30s. She had no formal training and a smattering of failed business ventures, but her intuitive knack for knowing how to drape and mold fabric, metal, and boning, combined with an edgy flair for avant garde surrealism, made her works of wearable art as iconic in the Art Deco era as her line continues to be today. Don’t give up. Your best, most brilliant ideas may still be yet to come! 📸: @rjh3photo
