Kate Silverton Instagram – In my first book ‘there’s no such thing as naughty’ I introduced my tip S.A.S for those moments when your child is ‘spinning out’ and you’re at a loss how to engage / calm them down
The quickest way is to do it is by using what we call in psychotherapy ‘affect attunement’ – essentially where you tune in to your child and how they are feeling at that moment.
Ie ‘wow you are so so sad right now, come I can see that let me help ‘
Or
‘Wow you are SO CROSS! I can SEE how CrOSS you are … you wanted the cookie? I know sweetheart it’s hard .. come to mummy / daddy … I know how tough it must feel … let me help ‘
And yes I know the RAGE can seem ridiculous to us adults ‘you brought me an apple to pick up and I wanted an ORANGE! Or ‘I WANT that cereal not THAT ONE!’ Or ‘you won’t let me stay up and I am MADDDDD!’
I explain all of it in my book .. because all behaviour is communication … its understandable for children whose brains are still in development to see the world differently to us. It does not mean we give in on the cereal, or the bedtime … but we ARE going to accept that it’s hard for little people with still developing brains to hold on to big emotions and regulate their behaviour as quickly as we adults ( usually!) do!
Using SAS lets your child know you GET IT… you get that they are cross / angry / upset / disappointed … and that you SEE them in their distress and you are going to help ( not by giving in on the cereal or bedtime ) but by helping them to calm down … you can only do this when you first meet them where their energy is at ( if our voices are too flat it actually can enrage that little baboon even more because he doesn’t sense that you ‘get it ) and then we use our voice and body language to bring our children back to balance, back to calm. Hopefully ending with a soothing hug..
Doing this serves your relationship for the future … it shows your child ‘I can be with you even when you feel at your worst’ and … ‘I get that it is hard when we are disappointed ‘ but it’s ok, I am going to help you come through …
#parenting #parentingtips #tantrums #emotions #overwhelmedmom #overwhelmed #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness | Posted on 17/Feb/2024 21:58:33
