I am aware of change as much as I am aware of the sun rising and setting. What shapes how we change? Is it some divine force, our environment, the chemistry within the meat sacks we use to navigate this mortal plane? “The only constant in life is change.” – Heraclitus • Change is guaranteed, whether active or passive is up to me.
Two perspectives (a mantra, a practice, a work in progress): 1) I can do nothing successful to change my unwanted state. 2) With much effort and work I can find a path toward change. 1) Shame will keep me from beginning because I want success before I admit to myself and others that I need help. 2) Everything I am hiding, from myself and others, is already known. Those who will help, will do so with empathy. Shame cannot get in my way. 1) I will begin tomorrow. 2) “Yesterday it’s tomorrow right now.” (I learned that from my daughter Billie Grace when she was 3) 1) My life is unimportant. 2) I have value. 1) No one cares for me. 2) I care for myself. 1) The misery is chronic. 2) I can trade acute discomfort for chronic misery and will exert less total effort. 1) Everything I perceive is real and absolute. 2) I can change my mind about anything. Happy Friday
Two perspectives (a mantra, a practice, a work in progress): 1) I can do nothing successful to change my unwanted state. 2) With much effort and work I can find a path toward change. 1) Shame will keep me from beginning because I want success before I admit to myself and others that I need help. 2) Everything I am hiding, from myself and others, is already known. Those who will help, will do so with empathy. Shame cannot get in my way. 1) I will begin tomorrow. 2) “Yesterday it’s tomorrow right now.” (I learned that from my daughter Billie Grace when she was 3) 1) My life is unimportant. 2) I have value. 1) No one cares for me. 2) I care for myself. 1) The misery is chronic. 2) I can trade acute discomfort for chronic misery and will exert less total effort. 1) Everything I perceive is real and absolute. 2) I can change my mind about anything. Happy Friday
“As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a monstrous bug… What has happened to me? He thought. It was no dream…” – Franz Kafka Oblivious isn’t exactly the right word, because I could feel self-awareness coming on, like an emotional swell, that I could stuff down into some dark cold vacant part of my mind. Willful ignorance is more accurate. When friends expressed concern, I’d feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, the tremble in my hands, and I would take that creeping self-awareness and put it in a shoebox, lock it in an uncrackable safe, which happened to be in a locked closet, in a derelict house, which was situated in the worst and least visited neighborhood of my mind. Hide away the bad thoughts, stuff them into the cracks of the couch with the crumbs, I’ll get to them later. The house was on fire, but such a large house, and if I couldn’t feel the warmth from my bedroom, did it matter? And then I would wake up a monstrous bug, with no ability to disguise myself, from myself. I would wake up with every bit of hidden knowledge crashed down upon me like the Hindenburg. On these mornings of revelation, I would need to solve every problem instantaneously. I would search for the easiest solution or the most radical. I vacillated between belief that either one small change or total upheaval were the answer. This led to years of failure and frustration. Changing one thing never led to a miraculous recovery and changing everything all at once didn’t either. It took many years for me to understand that in order to become a different person, many instances of small change were required, but that I wouldn’t understand them all on day one. That getting good at a single change might then require another change to bolster improvement. Self-improvement has no end and if I’m not working towards this in some way, I am in deterioration. I prefer getting better. *from the @americangluttonpodcast blog*
I always loved the masks I got to wear. Pulling on the mantle of the character I was going to play afforded me some freedom. My body was something I felt deep shame about, except when acting. Whatever character I played, my body was exactly correct in those moments, my shame would briefly evaporate and I would experience the world through a shame free lens. This one was wild, this one was the 11 year old me who loved The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees but without the shame and self loathing. Much of my life was spent trying to escape from the discomfort of right now. Right now has been something to be anesthetized for, in order to cope. Whether with food or drugs, I sought to diminish this discomfort. Today I still feel shame, I still feel inadequate, but I bask in that discomfort. I seek it out and examine it. I let that discomfort wash over and consume me. And I am ok. I will win. So can you.
I always loved the masks I got to wear. Pulling on the mantle of the character I was going to play afforded me some freedom. My body was something I felt deep shame about, except when acting. Whatever character I played, my body was exactly correct in those moments, my shame would briefly evaporate and I would experience the world through a shame free lens. This one was wild, this one was the 11 year old me who loved The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees but without the shame and self loathing. Much of my life was spent trying to escape from the discomfort of right now. Right now has been something to be anesthetized for, in order to cope. Whether with food or drugs, I sought to diminish this discomfort. Today I still feel shame, I still feel inadequate, but I bask in that discomfort. I seek it out and examine it. I let that discomfort wash over and consume me. And I am ok. I will win. So can you.
I always loved the masks I got to wear. Pulling on the mantle of the character I was going to play afforded me some freedom. My body was something I felt deep shame about, except when acting. Whatever character I played, my body was exactly correct in those moments, my shame would briefly evaporate and I would experience the world through a shame free lens. This one was wild, this one was the 11 year old me who loved The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees but without the shame and self loathing. Much of my life was spent trying to escape from the discomfort of right now. Right now has been something to be anesthetized for, in order to cope. Whether with food or drugs, I sought to diminish this discomfort. Today I still feel shame, I still feel inadequate, but I bask in that discomfort. I seek it out and examine it. I let that discomfort wash over and consume me. And I am ok. I will win. So can you.
I always loved the masks I got to wear. Pulling on the mantle of the character I was going to play afforded me some freedom. My body was something I felt deep shame about, except when acting. Whatever character I played, my body was exactly correct in those moments, my shame would briefly evaporate and I would experience the world through a shame free lens. This one was wild, this one was the 11 year old me who loved The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees but without the shame and self loathing. Much of my life was spent trying to escape from the discomfort of right now. Right now has been something to be anesthetized for, in order to cope. Whether with food or drugs, I sought to diminish this discomfort. Today I still feel shame, I still feel inadequate, but I bask in that discomfort. I seek it out and examine it. I let that discomfort wash over and consume me. And I am ok. I will win. So can you.
I always loved the masks I got to wear. Pulling on the mantle of the character I was going to play afforded me some freedom. My body was something I felt deep shame about, except when acting. Whatever character I played, my body was exactly correct in those moments, my shame would briefly evaporate and I would experience the world through a shame free lens. This one was wild, this one was the 11 year old me who loved The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees but without the shame and self loathing. Much of my life was spent trying to escape from the discomfort of right now. Right now has been something to be anesthetized for, in order to cope. Whether with food or drugs, I sought to diminish this discomfort. Today I still feel shame, I still feel inadequate, but I bask in that discomfort. I seek it out and examine it. I let that discomfort wash over and consume me. And I am ok. I will win. So can you.
I always loved the masks I got to wear. Pulling on the mantle of the character I was going to play afforded me some freedom. My body was something I felt deep shame about, except when acting. Whatever character I played, my body was exactly correct in those moments, my shame would briefly evaporate and I would experience the world through a shame free lens. This one was wild, this one was the 11 year old me who loved The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees but without the shame and self loathing. Much of my life was spent trying to escape from the discomfort of right now. Right now has been something to be anesthetized for, in order to cope. Whether with food or drugs, I sought to diminish this discomfort. Today I still feel shame, I still feel inadequate, but I bask in that discomfort. I seek it out and examine it. I let that discomfort wash over and consume me. And I am ok. I will win. So can you.
INVICTUS “Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds and shall find me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” – William Ernest Henley
INVICTUS “Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds and shall find me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” – William Ernest Henley
Via @manifestoradiopodcast • Happy Sunday
My granddaughter was born two years ago today. It feels very much like it was yesterday that she arrived, while at the same time, that she’s been here with us forever. I couldn’t be prouder of her and her parents. ❤️
My granddaughter was born two years ago today. It feels very much like it was yesterday that she arrived, while at the same time, that she’s been here with us forever. I couldn’t be prouder of her and her parents. ❤️
My granddaughter was born two years ago today. It feels very much like it was yesterday that she arrived, while at the same time, that she’s been here with us forever. I couldn’t be prouder of her and her parents. ❤️
I killed my clone today.
With over 17,000 days under my belt, today seems insignificant. How can this one drop in that bucket be of consequence? Today I experienced all the things I sought to escape most of my life. Today, I felt fat. Today, I felt anxious. Today, the hint of evasion through chemical escape was whispered to me, by me. Today I accepted my life with openness, I welcomed my shortcomings, and looked for improvements where possible. Today I sought relief through acceptance of discomfort. Today is the most important of all days because today gives me hope for tomorrow. I killed my clone. I will win today.
Beautiful walk in Central Park today with these new friends.
Beautiful walk in Central Park today with these new friends.
Still not over the AG Prep Deck 🤯 @ethansuplee “My wife constantly wants me to tell her what to eat. She’ll often walk into our kitchen or even a grocery store and go completely blank. So, I made her this game that now does that job for me.” @juliettelewis helps us break it all down 🔥 Link in bio 👀 #americanglutton #prepfor2024 #EthanSupleeFitness #HealthPodcast #MealPrepDeck #FitnessJourney #NutritionTips #HealthyEating #MealPlanningMadeEasy #WellnessPodcast #FitnessMotivation #HealthyLifestyle #EatingWell #BalancedDiet #FoodForFuel #WorkoutInspiration #HealthyChoices #NutritionGoals #FitnessCommunity #WellnessJourney #healthandwellness
Thanks for walking with me in Cincinnati today! My day is brighter because of you!
Cincinnati! Want to go for a walk? Sunday March 24th at 9am. Email [email protected] for exact location. Not in Cincinnati? Take a walk with us anyway! I was blown away when we heard from multiple people that they couldn’t join me last time but just walked their city at the same time I trekked out in NYC. So no matter where you are let’s walk together! Bringing friends is highly encouraged. Tag @americangluttonpodcast in your posts/stories so we can repost everyone joining us from all over. We will randomly pick one of you to get a free shirt from our new launch coming soon! • “Vulnerability When we stop doping ourselves with unnecessary food, we become vulnerable. We have been using extra food as a defense against our feelings. Without it, fears and anxieties surface and new energies are released. Instead of retreating into the refrigerator, we can learn day by day how to live with our exposed selves. Making an overture of friendship to someone we would like to know better involves the risk of rejection. Saying no to a family member when a request conflicts with our program may make us feel guilty. Asking for help when we need it means admitting our weakness. Exposing our needs destroys our facade of self-sufficiency. To be vulnerable requires courage, but only as we are able to live without the defense of overeating are we able to grow emotionally and spiritually. When we stop turning to food to cover up our feelings and needs, we are able to be more open with other people. We are nourished by them and by the Higher Power who allays our fears and directs our new energies. May I not fear being vulnerable.” – From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabth L. (Via @scottegorman )
New episode of @americangluttonpodcast with guest @bornfitness is now available! • Link in bio
