Kate Silverton Instagram – When we receive difficult news or a shocking diagnosis, our first thought is often not only for ourselves,but for our children: how we can protect them, and how best to share the news. I hope what I share here may prove helpful.
1. firstly do take time to process the shock yourself. This is important because it will allow you more capacity to ‘hold the space’ when you do eventually relay the news to your child/ren
2. Then do try to tell them as soon as you then feel able. Children pick up on our cues and if we keep them in the dark for too long their imagination can ‘run riot’ and they may tell themselves a very different ‘story’ about what they think is happening – and this can lead to unnecessary worry and fear
3. Take advice from the support networks you have – including your medical advisers, cancer charities and other organisations who can offer excellent resources to enable you to have a conversation that covers the facts of your circumstances but using age appropriate language. These resources can also help you to consider what answers you might wish to give for the questions your children will inevitably have – even and especially the difficult ones.
4.. Try to speak to siblings together if it is age appropriate to do so. Stick to the facts as much as you are able ( doctors generally advise using words like medicine in preference to chemotherapy)
5. Do not be afraid of your child’s grief. Being able to ‘hold the space’ while your children experience painful emotions gives them what we might consider the ‘gift of tears’. It will see a more healthy release than if we try to bottle up our own tears or tell them to bottle up theirs
6. Involve them in your plans as much as you can. You can sit and write up a calendar with big boxes to tick whenever there is a hospital appointment or you are having treatment. You can draw the hospital and the ‘kind people’ who will be looking after you there. You can discuss if the children will come to visit you and what toys they might want to bring
I share more tips and resources in my books but you can find excellent support from organisations like @cr_uk @macmillancancer @_place2be #cancer #parenting | Posted on 25/Mar/2024 23:53:26
