Christina Moses

Christina Moses Instagram – this is my first new years without you. and it’s not like i’ve spent them all with you physically. but you’re not here. anymore. physically.
though i feel you in every bird song. in the stillness of blue sky and sunshine blazing hot on my skin. because you were such a lizard. soaking in the sun listening to the birds.
my buddy. my jackson boy. my love boy.
thank you for being the most quirky and nutty, the most challenging, neurotic and anxious the most tender loving gentle hearted boy. for being my dance partner & adventurer
thank you for loving me. for letting me love you. for trusting me.
thank you for being the reflection i sometimes couldn’t stand. you were/are the greatest gift, my most ever present teacher. and boy, we’ve been through so much together. 12 years of your 14.
i miss you.
and that you aren’t suffering anymore is relief so for that i’m grateful. but man, two and a half months in and my heart still aches. october 14th to be exact. true, it hasn’t been long but i’m realizing how wildly non linear grief is.
thank you for letting me know what you needed, how you needed your last day to be. just you and i. simply being together. people were here (god damn, THANK YOU), you got all the hamburgers & ice cream…but what you wanted most was just us. so we just sat. i sat. you laid as it was the easiest position for you then.
i can still feel the love flowing from your heart to mine, mine to yours that day. life seemed to hold its breath yet everything became to utterly present, so full and clear and soft. felt as if the space between us became one inseparably thing. i heard the birds with you as you, the blue sky and breeze through you.
we’d slip into this space together throughout the day. it felt so good. i’ve never had that with another being before, not in such simplicity such purity.
witnessing you take your last breath was excruciating. and it was profoundly beautiful. what an honor to be in the presence of death (in such a way as we were fortunate to have) with someone you love so deeply. to watch death mother take you away was a gift and a heartbreak i will always cherish and grieve forever. i will cherish you forever my jackson boy.
♥️ | Posted on 02/Jan/2024 08:19:07