Today marks the first day of Mental Health Awareness Month. And while it’s important to recognize the strides we’ve made in normalizing conversations around mental health, we also must acknowledge how individualized the conversation has been. How such an emphasis on “self-care” can actually make us more isolated and alone, the focus heavily centered on the self, the individual. What’s lost here is the mutuality of relationships—the reciprocity, the way that you weave fabric between people who are relying on each other, the healing capacity of the collective.
Feeling personally and communally supported and connected is a key component to feeling good. Intimacy and human interaction have a direct correlation to our mental health and longevity.
Relational health must be a focal point of our mental health approach going forward. After all, the quality of relationships determines the quality of our lives.
Every day I work with couples who have been devastated by infidelity, navigating through the shattered trust that accompanies such betrayal. So how do we reconcile what is universally forbidden yet universally practiced?
Visit the link in my bio for the full episode of my conversation with On Purpose hosted by @JayShetty, where we discuss this topic and much more.
“I miss my mother… but I’m also happy she’s gone. I’ve had a life that I would not have had if she was still here. How do I reconcile these feelings?”
Standing and shaking, surrounded by thousands of people, the woman who asked this during a recent Q&A stared at me waiting for an answer. I didn’t have a simple one. The collective “Mmmm” in the room—that ineffable sound of recognition, empathy, and kindred pain—was evidence of how many people related to her dilemma. I did, too.
Relational ambivalence is the experience of contradictory thoughts and feelings—of love and hate, attraction and disgust, excitement and fear—toward someone with whom you are in a relationship. It’s intrinsic to all relationships, including the very first: with your mother.
In my latest newsletter, I explore this question further, centering on my personal relationship with my mother. Within it, I offer insights that helped me navigate the complexities of holding contradictory feelings towards her, a dynamic that profoundly influenced the foundation of our relationship. To read this month’s newsletter, visit the link in my bio.
Let’s turn the lens on you:
Do you, or did you, experience relational ambivalence with your mother? How did it show up for you? What are the positive qualities you see in yourself that come from your mother? The less-than-lovely qualities?
“I miss my mother… but I’m also happy she’s gone. I’ve had a life that I would not have had if she was still here. How do I reconcile these feelings?”
Standing and shaking, surrounded by thousands of people, the woman who asked this during a recent Q&A stared at me waiting for an answer. I didn’t have a simple one. The collective “Mmmm” in the room—that ineffable sound of recognition, empathy, and kindred pain—was evidence of how many people related to her dilemma. I did, too.
Relational ambivalence is the experience of contradictory thoughts and feelings—of love and hate, attraction and disgust, excitement and fear—toward someone with whom you are in a relationship. It’s intrinsic to all relationships, including the very first: with your mother.
In my latest newsletter, I explore this question further, centering on my personal relationship with my mother. Within it, I offer insights that helped me navigate the complexities of holding contradictory feelings towards her, a dynamic that profoundly influenced the foundation of our relationship. To read this month’s newsletter, visit the link in my bio.
Let’s turn the lens on you:
Do you, or did you, experience relational ambivalence with your mother? How did it show up for you? What are the positive qualities you see in yourself that come from your mother? The less-than-lovely qualities?
While we’re gnashing our teeth about AI, Esther Perel asks us to take a hard look at a different AI: artificial intimacy.
From my point of view, this second AI feels almost more urgent. Our central nervous systems need other central nervous systems. That’s how we work. We need eye contact and murmurs of agreement and nods of understanding. We need all the sensory experiences to tell us where we are inside the human ecosystem.
So settle in for a memorable heart to heart with Esther as well as my friends and super special guests Kate Couric and Timothy Goodman. You belong here. Watch now at PBS.org/kelly
In a brand new episode of Where Should We Begin? titled “I Think I Married the Wrong Person” I sit down with a couple grappling with familiar struggles. She gets angry when she feels devalued and put down. He intellectualizes and rationalizes instead of sympathizing. These four quotes offer a glimpse into the journey of this episode — tune in as I help them understand each other and break down the defensive barriers they’ve built.
In a brand new episode of Where Should We Begin? titled “I Think I Married the Wrong Person” I sit down with a couple grappling with familiar struggles. She gets angry when she feels devalued and put down. He intellectualizes and rationalizes instead of sympathizing. These four quotes offer a glimpse into the journey of this episode — tune in as I help them understand each other and break down the defensive barriers they’ve built.
In a brand new episode of Where Should We Begin? titled “I Think I Married the Wrong Person” I sit down with a couple grappling with familiar struggles. She gets angry when she feels devalued and put down. He intellectualizes and rationalizes instead of sympathizing. These four quotes offer a glimpse into the journey of this episode — tune in as I help them understand each other and break down the defensive barriers they’ve built.
In a brand new episode of Where Should We Begin? titled “I Think I Married the Wrong Person” I sit down with a couple grappling with familiar struggles. She gets angry when she feels devalued and put down. He intellectualizes and rationalizes instead of sympathizing. These four quotes offer a glimpse into the journey of this episode — tune in as I help them understand each other and break down the defensive barriers they’ve built.
In the heart of Grand Central Station, I engage passersby with prompts from my card game, such as this one— “My favorite love story to tell…” This prompt never fails to spark conversations about the many ways love shapes our lives.
I’m curious: What is your favorite love story to tell?
Ever find yourself stuck in a loop, replaying past relationships or dreaming of a future escape? Tune in to the latest episode of Where Should We Begin? titled Love is a Trap through the link in my bio, as we unravel the ties between childhood wounds and the suffocating embrace of love.
Ever find yourself stuck in a loop, replaying past relationships or dreaming of a future escape? Tune in to the latest episode of Where Should We Begin? titled Love is a Trap through the link in my bio, as we unravel the ties between childhood wounds and the suffocating embrace of love.
And, that’s a wrap.
Four cities and five shows later, the first half of my U.S. Tour has come to an end. One of my favorite rituals after every show is simply being with those I care about. There’s a certain magic in the spontaneity of post-show gatherings, where the connections forged during the performance lead to new moments we couldn’t have anticipated. It’s about more than just talking about connection; it’s about actively creating it, fostering new bonds with family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers who become acquaintances by the end of the night.
After my final show in New York, our post-show gathering was no different. Amidst the conversations, a friend’s comment resonated deeply: “You made the Beacon Theater feel like a living room.” It was a touching recognition of the atmosphere we had cultivated.
This is exactly what I set out to do. In my recent newsletter, I expressed that while I can’t fit you all on my couch, we can gather in a theater to immerse ourselves in the intricacies of love and desire, which are often grappled with alone. My intention was to foster an experience that was both intimate and communal, and each night, that vision came to life—not because of me, but because of all of you who showed up authentically, sharing stories, engaging with each other, and redefining how we connect, how we desire, and even how we love.
I’m looking forward to returning to the stage on the West Coast this September.
Photo Credit: @tobytenenbaum
*This* conversation surfaced an essential idea, the kind of thing that once you internalize it, you will catch yourself doing it all the time.
Thanks to Esther Perel for tuning me in to something called Fundamental Attribution Error.
What a joy to circle up with Katie Couric and Timothy Goodman to get our heads around the weird ways we humans work and how we might tweak our own systems to improve every relationship we’re in, from the guy at work to the most important person in our lives.
Watch now at PBS.org/kelly
For those outside of the US, this episode will be available on the pod next Tuesday, 5/7. (link in bio)
Join me on an intimate journey with a middle-aged couple, who, after seventeen years together, navigate the ebbs and flows of love and intimacy. Despite their strong bond, they find themselves going months without connecting sexually. With his transition a decade ago and both facing the changes of aging, I guide them through body exercises, aiming to uncover new sexual spaces amidst the chaos of daily life. Listen to the new episode “There’s You, There’s Me, There’s Us” on Where Should We Begin? through the link in my bio.
In this special Apple Podcasts bonus episode, I share a letter I wrote that touches on the relationships we have with our mothers, drawing from my own personal journey with my mom. With Mother’s Day approaching, I invite you to join me in a moment of reflection on the maternal figures in your life. Let’s take this chance to reach out, initiating conversations that go beyond the usual. And if you’re not sure how to start, don’t worry—I have some conversation starters to help spark those meaningful connections. Listen through the link in my bio.
The art of conversation is about healthy amounts of both: thoughtful speaking and hardcore listening, asking questions and navigating commonalities and differences.
I have long believed that asking better questions is the key to creating closeness, and not just in my work as a therapist. In my recent shows, I’ve had the pleasure of exploring audience questions, and I’ve come across some truly insightful ones. This practice of taking questions on stage and the gratification of receiving new insights and perspectives prompts me to do the same with you here.
So I’d like to open the floor to my social media audience. Here’s a prompt for you from the second edition of my card game, Where Should We Begin? — “If I could ask Esther Perel one question, it would be…” Your question could ignite a thought-provoking discussion.
Two insightful evenings at the Beacon with Esther Perel ❤️
📷: @emmagshoots / MSGE
Two insightful evenings at the Beacon with Esther Perel ❤️
📷: @emmagshoots / MSGE
Two insightful evenings at the Beacon with Esther Perel ❤️
📷: @emmagshoots / MSGE
Two insightful evenings at the Beacon with Esther Perel ❤️
📷: @emmagshoots / MSGE
Two insightful evenings at the Beacon with Esther Perel ❤️
📷: @emmagshoots / MSGE
Two insightful evenings at the Beacon with Esther Perel ❤️
📷: @emmagshoots / MSGE
When the dust settles, what remains? Weaving together the voices of veterans, Moral Injuries of War is a visionary production that brings the untold stories of war to the American public. Hosted by @NationalSawdust, this immersive experience forges new ways to contemplate and heal from war through testimony, movement, and public conversation.
I am honored to join this production by co-hosting a live conversation with veterans and war journalists with artist, psychologist, and my husband, @jacksaulofficial . The program will close with an exploration of embodied action, led by Leslie Salmon Jones and Jeff W. Jones of Afro Flow Yoga®️.
Tickets are available through the link in my bio. We hope to see you there!
