Esther Perel Instagram – “I miss my mother… but I’m also happy she’s gone. I’ve had a life that I would not have had if she was still here. How do I reconcile these feelings?” Standing and shaking, surrounded by thousands of people, the woman who asked this during a recent Q&A stared at me waiting for an answer. I didn’t have a simple one. The collective “Mmmm” in the room—that ineffable sound of recognition, empathy, and kindred pain—was evidence of how many people related to her dilemma. I did, too. Relational ambivalence is the experience of contradictory thoughts and feelings—of love and hate, attraction and disgust, excitement and fear—toward someone with whom you are in a relationship. It’s intrinsic to all relationships, including the very first: with your mother. In my latest newsletter, I explore this question further, centering on my personal relationship with my mother. Within it, I offer insights that helped me navigate the complexities of holding contradictory feelings towards her, a dynamic that profoundly influenced the foundation of our relationship. To read this month’s newsletter, visit the link in my bio. Let’s turn the lens on you: Do you, or did you, experience relational ambivalence with your mother? How did it show up for you? What are the positive qualities you see in yourself that come from your mother? The less-than-lovely qualities?