So, here we are. This is 57. It’s been one of the hardest years during which I spent much of my time firefighting; spent too much time in judgement of myself; too much time criticising myself; allowing unworthy people to live rent-free in my head; desperately waiting for the calm to arrive at my turbulent shores. There were times when I couldn’t see a way forward. When I truly felt it would be far easier to give up and give in. It is painfully wearing constantly being told you’re strong – that you can handle whatever the universe sends you. I have grown tired of being strong. There have been personal, familial battles; emotional ones; there has been loss and health issues yet to be resolved. And you start to wonder where the joy is. But gradually you turn small corners, one at a time. With the amazing support of close, true, genuine friends. Because no woman is an island. You discover a new mindset; a new tribe and an unexpected new faith. And finally, at 57, I’m starting to love and respect myself. I’m embracing the ability to accept the things I cannot change. To create boundaries to protect my goodwill and sanity. I’m liking myself more. But know this: I will never like goat’s cheese.
My darling boy. I miss you so. I have so much to say to you but nothing i didn’t say when you were still here. You came into our lives like a feisty, bonkers, vocal little being who gave us no choice but to love and worship you with all our might. You were the original Mummy’s Boy. What you lacked in height, you made up for in opinion and quirkiness. When you were diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukaemia at only 3yrs old back in 2020, I thought it was game over because complete remission is rare. The prognosis was 1yr. But you chugged along with your mamma by your side for another 4yrs. And perhaps I should have let you go sooner but I was guided by you. The last year became increasingly difficult for you – your suffering changed you and your behaviour. I was not ready to make the decision for you but then I knew I never would be. You’re at peace now and that brings me some comfort. Knowing you’re reunited with Nessie, Dexter and Fella does, too. But Hank and I miss you. Your harness hangs on the radiator; your bowl is still in the kitchen and I found Hank sleeping in your bed this morning. Til we meet again, my darling boy. Leo Smackerjacks Lover Man 3/5/17 – 12/7/24
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
30 glorious years of you, my darling firstborn. You did take your time exiting my punani – I can only assume you liked a womb of your own. There aren’t enough words to express how wonderful I think you are. Nuts, crackers and a good dose of ‘elf and safety about you. You were rarely – if at all – naughty as a child, if we discount the time you (nearly) set fire to Singapore airport; the Sudocrem incident; the time you insisted I stapled your butt and not forgetting your love of dressing up in my underwear. That aside, you’ve always been a kind, empathetic, loving boy. Etched forever in my mind is the time when your ‘girlfriend’ at pre-school hadn’t sat next to you one day and you cried, in silence, all the way home. Then, as we arrived home, you turned to me and said: “Mummy, I’m going to win her back”. And you’ve walked that path since, with your Lils by your side. I love my time with you. I’m grateful for your unrelenting support – especially with my sobriety. You’re a caring brother and a formidable son. Quite simply put: You’re the best. And you are loved. @camerontrnbull
It’s been heavy going recently
My baby boy. No longer a baby. Malcolm Charles Tripp – 16 today. You were the child I def didn’t think I’d have but you turned out to be a massive bonus. I’m proud of the young man you are and are becoming. The seriousness and dedication with which you’re approaching your GCSEs makes my heart swell. You can be caring and empathetic; sensitive and direct. Your table manners have deteriorated somewhat with age and regular updates on your bodily functions are often surplus to requirements. I miss you being smaller especially as you now tower above me. But it’s a tower of gorgeousness and sometimes randomness. Keep ploughing your own furrow. And try to remember to shut the fridge door properly. My American Boy. #malcolm #malcypalc #milkymalc
She wanted a post. Wasn’t happy with a story 🤣
Happy 20th Birthday, darling girl.
My contrary, stubborn, wilful, determined daughter. Our social justice warrior. And cook.
Get home soon. ❤️
Farewell, my beloved August. I shall miss you and your warm days of hope and promise. Your lazy evenings and heavy nights. You, the last leap of summer. You, the final huzzah for me and all the lions, before we are forced to wait impatiently for you to visit again. And a quiet, subdued welcome to you, September. Always my nemesis. Black Dog descending quietly and unassumingly. I know you’re coming. I am forewarned by my persistently darkening mind; anxious, shadowy moments desperately seeking out the last of the light. But I am never forearmed. You come, Black Dog every year. You are consistent, I’ll give you that. But no matter how I prepare myself, you snap at my heels until I’m forced to accept that we will walk side by side together until you set me free again. And you will. Because you have before. You’re consistent. I’ll give you that. In the meantime I will try to keep my chin up to the sun. I will try to accept that without darkness I cannot appreciate the light. I will endure. I might yield from time to time and acknowledge your temporary presence. But for now, a small and reluctant welcome to you, September.
What with this scorching summer we’re currently being forced to endure, I craved a bowl of comfort. And this turned out to be a beaut. Shallots, fennel, carrot, thyme, yellow courgettes, butta beans, chillies; a tot of sherry vinegar; stock. Spinach in last min. Then a dollop of créme fraîche and loadsa dill. The Ungratefuls hate fennel more than I hate downloading new software, so I make a point of putting it in everything. It’s gonna be a windy night…..
What with this scorching summer we’re currently being forced to endure, I craved a bowl of comfort. And this turned out to be a beaut. Shallots, fennel, carrot, thyme, yellow courgettes, butta beans, chillies; a tot of sherry vinegar; stock. Spinach in last min. Then a dollop of créme fraîche and loadsa dill. The Ungratefuls hate fennel more than I hate downloading new software, so I make a point of putting it in everything. It’s gonna be a windy night…..
