Addison Timlin

Addison Timlin Instagram – Today you’re 6. This is the closest in age we have ever been because I remember 6 so well. I remember my first crush, I remember sunsets and ice cream. I remember liking the feeling of some clothes & hating others- a conundrum that obliterates both our nervous systems most mornings at this time. I remember watching my mom in a sea of other moms after kindergarten and wondering if I had the choice would I still pick her. I always did. I remember all the knots of pain in my life still being loose ends. I remember already wishing for you.
You’re 6 but you’re the smartest person I know. You’re 6 but you communicate your feelings with gobsmacking clarity- you know what is precious and true. You’re 6 but I can still carry you from school to the car. You still have 19 baby teeth, just one missing (a right hook from time that could well, knock your teeth out.) You’re 6 but you are a wise and gentle healer.
I had this vision of you recently, you were a mermaid and I was looking at you through a pane of glass- seated on a bench of an aquarium looking up at the constellation of your big little life. It was the first time I really realized our separateness. You were glorious and fully realized- breathing underwater without me. The metaphor so poignant because among the many things I’m yet to learn at 33, I still can’t swim.
When you tell me you can’t sleep at night, we do this ritual where I have you tap your shoulders and say “I’m here, I’m safe, I’m safe in my body, I’m safe with myself.” I assure you that I am near, that I always will be. God, what a different life if someone had told me I was safe with myself. But maybe it takes sitting on a bench in a dream-state seeing your baby breathe underwater to realize we all just belong to ourselves.
Ezer, my wish for you is that you stay there waving through the glass and that you always move away from those who refuse to see you so clearly. Hearing you say it back to me “I’m here, I’m safe, I’m safe in my body, I’m safe with myself” has given me a set of loose ends I thought I’d never get back.
Happy birthday my baby. You are forever the realization of my truest dream. I love you the most. | Posted on 20/Oct/2024 22:32:41