I find there are three key categories of what people are fighting for. What do you think? How does this resonate with you?
Have you seen the videos of people who host an event – and the morning of almost all of their guests send a text that they won’t be attending? Have you experienced this? I’ve seen your comments on my recent posts about loneliness this holiday season and I’m curious: What do you make of this? Please note: I discuss an episode of the podcast that’s not yet released and is coming later in 2025. If you’re interested in Where Should We Begin, you can listen to the podcast at the link in my bio right now.
But how do you create spontaneity? The definition of spontaneity is that it’s not created; but it is. You create contexts for spontaneity, for happenstance. I sat down with @gq to talk about how scheduled sex CAN be sexy. Would you schedule sex?
But how do you create spontaneity? The definition of spontaneity is that it’s not created; but it is. You create contexts for spontaneity, for happenstance. I sat down with @gq to talk about how scheduled sex CAN be sexy. Would you schedule sex?
But how do you create spontaneity? The definition of spontaneity is that it’s not created; but it is. You create contexts for spontaneity, for happenstance. I sat down with @gq to talk about how scheduled sex CAN be sexy. Would you schedule sex?
But how do you create spontaneity? The definition of spontaneity is that it’s not created; but it is. You create contexts for spontaneity, for happenstance. I sat down with @gq to talk about how scheduled sex CAN be sexy. Would you schedule sex?
But how do you create spontaneity? The definition of spontaneity is that it’s not created; but it is. You create contexts for spontaneity, for happenstance. I sat down with @gq to talk about how scheduled sex CAN be sexy. Would you schedule sex?
But how do you create spontaneity? The definition of spontaneity is that it’s not created; but it is. You create contexts for spontaneity, for happenstance. I sat down with @gq to talk about how scheduled sex CAN be sexy. Would you schedule sex?
But how do you create spontaneity? The definition of spontaneity is that it’s not created; but it is. You create contexts for spontaneity, for happenstance. I sat down with @gq to talk about how scheduled sex CAN be sexy. Would you schedule sex?
But how do you create spontaneity? The definition of spontaneity is that it’s not created; but it is. You create contexts for spontaneity, for happenstance. I sat down with @gq to talk about how scheduled sex CAN be sexy. Would you schedule sex?
I’m pleased to announce that my two new courses on desire are now available! Every day in my work, I hear from people in relationships who want to be having s*x but just aren’t. If it happens at all, it’s infrequent and unsatisfying. Most of these people know they are loved but they long to be desired. They say, “We’re not having s*x, and we’re terrified it’s unfixable.” After 40 years as a relational psychotherapist, I know they don’t just miss s*x; they miss connection, playfulness, and renewal. So I remind them that it’s normal for desire to come and go. I invite them to consider that perhaps their s*xlessness isn’t a problem to fix but rather an alert signaling that it’s time to get curious, playful, and bold. This is how we begin to transform their erotic relationship. In my courses, you’ll find bite-sized videos, self-reflective prompts, scripts, and playful exercises to help you: Remove emotional and erotic blocks. Break routines and build lasting rituals. Create non-judgmental spaces to explore new possibilities. These courses help overcome s*xual shame, reignite desire, and lead to a more erotically charged life. Join me inside my Desire Bundle! Enroll through the link in my bio.
My thoughts on New Year’s Resolutions.
How are you connecting this week?
[Content warning: mental illness, suicide.] Today, on World Suicide Prevention Day, my thoughts turn to those I’ve lost to suicide, especially my mentor, Rich Simon. I wouldn’t be where I am without him. I wouldn’t have believed I could write without him. He encouraged me to put my ideas about love and desire on paper. He made me write eleven versions of the original article that eventually led to my first book, Mating in Captivity. In the world of psychotherapy, Rich was a giant—an innovator who wrote about mental health and the field with a journalist’s sensibility. He was a bon vivant, a showman. He began every conference with a cabaret. He was social and loved to connect people to one another. And he also struggled with bipolar disorder for much of his life. When people tell me about major difficulties earlier in their lives—violence, abandonment, neglect, and more—I always ask: who was there for you? Did anybody step in? Was there a person who saw and affirmed you? Did they use their position of power to lift you rather than to exploit you? What effect did this have on your life? Do they know? The strongest protective factors against hardship are our relationships. Whether we are able to turn our adverse experiences into a resource rather than a bane often depends on how much our relationships have become resources. Accessing these resources fosters our resilience. We are lost without the presence of truly benevolent, caring people—the teacher, coach, neighbor, or family friend who didn’t put us down, who shined a spotlight on us that revealed parts of us that we didn’t know existed or didn’t value. Rich was one of those people for me. And though he had beautiful strong relationships, and major resilience, I will always wish I could have done more for him. I can’t repeat it often enough: Reach out. Don’t wait for tomorrow what you can do today. If you or someone you know is in crisis, @crisistextline offers confidential, 24/7 assistance. Visit the link in my bio for more information.
@estherperelofficial on what to watch for in a partner 👀 EXCITING NEWS – the incredible Esther Perel is speaking at Summit of Greatness!! 🎉 I couldn’t wait to keep this surprise from you any longer 💛 Just drop a YES if you still need your ticket & I’ll DM you the link to get yours👇 Don’t miss this chance to see one of your MOST REQUESTED speakers in the history of Summit 💫 Let me know if you’re as excited as I am in the comments! ✨ I can’t wait to see you LIVE & IN-PERSON 🙏 ➡️ If you still need your ticket, just drop a YES & I’ll DM you the link with all the details!
Esther Perel’s trajectory from private practice psychotherapist to internationally renowned relationship expert is deeply entwined with technology. “Suddenly, you can reach people in the villages of every continent,” Perel said. “That’s technology.” But the same technological forces that have helped Perel’s ideas reach the masses have also begun to mold and meddle with modern-day relationships. It’s these unsettling phenomena Perel aims to tackle in her most recent U.S. speaking tour, “The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire,” which she will take to the YouTube Theater on Sept. 10. Ahead of her visit to Los Angeles, The Times spoke with Perel about Gen Z’s sexless reputation, the limitations of intimacy on online platforms and how public shaming on social media can interfere in the bedroom. Read more a the link in bio. ✍️ @alyssabereznak 🎨 Maggie Chiang / For The Times 📷 Katie McCurdy
Esther Perel’s trajectory from private practice psychotherapist to internationally renowned relationship expert is deeply entwined with technology. “Suddenly, you can reach people in the villages of every continent,” Perel said. “That’s technology.” But the same technological forces that have helped Perel’s ideas reach the masses have also begun to mold and meddle with modern-day relationships. It’s these unsettling phenomena Perel aims to tackle in her most recent U.S. speaking tour, “The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire,” which she will take to the YouTube Theater on Sept. 10. Ahead of her visit to Los Angeles, The Times spoke with Perel about Gen Z’s sexless reputation, the limitations of intimacy on online platforms and how public shaming on social media can interfere in the bedroom. Read more a the link in bio. ✍️ @alyssabereznak 🎨 Maggie Chiang / For The Times 📷 Katie McCurdy
As we enter 2025, perhaps you want to try this with your partner. Let me know if you will give this a try!
My recent video on the three categories of fights that couples have generated a lot of conversation – so I wanted to share another example of “the issue underneath the issue.” What are your thoughts on this?
Tomorrow, I return to the stage for the West Coast leg of my tour. As I’ve shared before, one of the most dynamic parts of my shows is getting to interact with you and answer your questions live. While I can’t answer them all in one evening, I make sure to collect the ones we didn’t get to and address them later. Here’s one from a recent East Coast show: “What are your thoughts on the ‘right person, wrong time’ cliché?” This phrase underscores the delicate dance between chance and choice in relationships. When you meet someone who seems right, context, timing, and circumstances are crucial elements often beyond our control. This doesn’t mean you made a mistake or fell for an illusion. It’s about recognizing that sometimes, even when you choose the right person, the circumstances simply don’t align, and the relationship cannot unfold. Often, people respond by blaming the individual or questioning their own judgment, but this misses the deeper truth. The “right person, wrong time” notion isn’t about assigning blame but acknowledging the bittersweet reality that love, while genuine, may not come to fruition due to factors beyond our control. This realization brings a sweet, bitter sadness. It’s a raw, unfiltered pain where there is no one to blame—just an acceptance of what cannot be. Sometimes, we come to see that the right person at the wrong time is, in fact, the wrong person. And so, you may have to say, “I love you, and I say goodbye to you.” I look forward to exploring more of these questions with you on tour.
A woman wonders why she keeps getting ghosted. A couple confronts the possibility that they are sexually incompatible. Long lost lovers wonder if they missed their chance—and whether they should try again. These are some of the stories you will hear this month on my podcast, Where Should We Begin? NEW YEAR, NEW STORIES ✨🎤 Will you join me? Discover ad-free listening, bonus episodes, behind-the-scenes content, and more when you subscribe to Where Should We Begin? on Apple Podcasts. Get 20% off your subscription this month only. Discount automatically applied – link in bio.
There have always been conversations about boundaries and definitions when you’re dating: “Are we going steady?” “Are we exclusive?” But with modern questions like “Can I still follow my ex on social media?” “When can I expect my partner to delete their dating app profile?” There is both more to negotiate and more challenges around having the conversation. You may have seen in my stories that I’ll be focusing on dating, desire, and romantic consumerism in the coming weeks; I’m looking forward to having these conversations with you.
Navigating the unexpected can test even the strongest of bonds. In a new episode, a consensual non-monogamous couple faces a new challenge when a broken rule leads to an unexpected pregnancy. Despite their commitment, the arrival of a second child, a new mother, and the public revelation of the couple’s openness strains their dynamic. Tune in to “We Had Boundaries and He Crossed Them” on Where Should We Begin? as I help them explore the path forward amidst this complex situation.
Next week, I’ll be unveiling my new Desire Bundle—two courses that will transform your connection to yourself and your partner. Inside my Desire Bundle, you’ll find two courses: Bringing Desire Back and Playing with Desire. The first will help you remove s*xual blocks and reignite desire. The second will help you tap into new erotic possibilities and play your way to an erotically charged life. Taken together, these courses will help you overcome shame and bring more vitality into your relationship. Community has always been at the heart of my work. That’s why, with every new creation, I seek your involvement. For my new Desire Bundle, I invited people from across the country to experience them early, gathering their insights to ensure the courses truly resonated. Here’s what one participant had to say… As a member of the waitlist, you’ll get first access on September 16th before the courses open to the public on Tuesday, September 17, plus: – The best pricing – Access to a special seven-day foreplay challenge that you can do with or without a partner when you enroll in the first 24 hours – Access to a live virtual workshop and Q&A with me when you enroll in the first 24 hours The last day to join the waitlist is September 15th—visit the link in my bio.
